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Muted by the beast

Good morning everyone. As many of you know I am truly working to move forward. Second of all trying to keep things civil. Last night though may have been the straw that broke the camels back though. That straw being when I was gathering her things together. I came across a pocket watch that she gave me as a gift on Christmas because it looked antiqueish with the words, "Chris i wanted to get a more meaningful gift for you..."

Its funny how you think you have moved on. Your doing fine and i was putting everything together but when i found that watch it was just a painful reminder of a relationship that never will be. A solid reminder of the four seemingly happiest months of my life in a good long while actually. So yes I wanted to give it back to her but she essentially first called me a dick! Not listening to my reasoning at all for wanting to do so that it hurt. When i called back she told me fuck you!?!!!???

Damn what on god's green earth do you say to that? I was drawn mute at the pure malice in those two words. Dane Cook a comedian once in talking about relationship fighting once talked about one or the other person using the words Fuck you as an insult and how its just like...okay there is nothing i can do here just wow...literally I felt like a deer trapped in the headlights of an oncoming car that i could not have moved out of its path if I so desired

A dear friend once put it to me like this, "Chris you get all the bad apples and your really a great guy" in fact a few days ago another friend told me, "I don't get it your a catch" though right now I am starting to wonder how much of a real catch I am. If really love keeps shitting on me like this...contemplations from the mind of a writer and your own personal journey right into my mind

Four months ago those same words were used jokingly and second of all to tease me, as a seduction code phrase. Hell my response would have been like you wish and she'd have winked and we'd have raced off for a romp or so...now though....last night though it was a different story it was pure malice like I was the worst person she had ever met. Now with that in mind I am really wondering deep down if I ever knew her at all

Before I make any extreme steps either way I am going to ensure I have my stuff back. Right now my brain is blood thirsty for revenge. Yet I know if I go after any kind of revenge that at the end it would just make me feel empty. So instead i'll take a kind of pleasure in knowing that Karma will come around and bite her on the butt

Coming up here on the horizon is her birthday! Due to an obligation and me not having my stuff I am going to go through with that but as friends nothing more nothing less. Second of all is Mayhem Fest and we will see i know that deep down once i have everything my social contract is gone *shrugs* For now I am off but that is the latest in this circus

Hope all is well in your worlds. Hope you enjoyed this journey inside my mind. With that i'll catch ya on the flip side

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