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Can I?

Readers:

Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. On my end I am full of wonder and doubt which I know isn't exactly the grounds for a job well done but there you go? I am on the cusp right now of starting Math 160 and taking it during the summer. During the regular semester it annihilated me entirely. Feels like I am so close to graduating yet so far away from it all. Right now if anything felt so unobtainable it is truly now more than ever. My mind is plagued with thoughts of failing, thoughts of not graduating, thoughts of not getting a great job, thoughts of the end of a relationship in the blink of an eye.

Success in school, success in a job, solid money coming in all of these different things I know will enable me to live life to its fullest. Fullest being the ability to go out there and enjoy vacations, keep this relationship going solidly with Jolene and really be happy mentally knowing that I succeeded with school. My brothers are married and have great jobs. That's what I want more than ever to graduate from college and get that great job and really get married and start a life with somebody.

The easiest way to say it is this! DOUBT SUCKS. The not knowing of things I am plagued with wondering how this job with go as well. As a dear friend put it to me the other day, "Changes" are what make life complicated and leave you feeling helpless like you can't find a solid place to grab onto.

Love the fact that I have such a loving a supportive family and secondly such a loving and supportive girlfriend. In moments like these they give me strength but I don't want to let them down and everyone else down around me as well because that is what I feel like i'll be doing. Hell I know they don't entirely feel that way but part of me does though it slips through my mind like a giant snake its tail rattling away fangs ready to bite.

Just eight weeks and part of me knows I can do this but still there is that plaguing question that races through all of our minds sometimes i think can I? So please keep me in your prayers that would be wonderful. For now I am off tonight I have class from 6 to 7:50 Monday through Thursday. I'll be living in the math lab and now I need to find a solid tutor as well to help out as well so i'll be working on that for sure. With all that said i'll catch ya on the flip side


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