So since yesterday alot of emotions swirled around and are still swirling around as we speak. Essentially Trish and I had a normal conversation (we talked, we laughed, and we joked and even exchanged text pics) yesterday than came the one that night in which I asked her to come stay at my place on Friday night. When she told me she did not want to. I pursued it like a wild animal wanting to get the meat of it. Hell at the time I didn't truly even understand why but now I do though.
Deep down through all of this confusion and not knowing I have come to realize that deep down I somewhere along the line fell out of love with Trisha. For me admitting this is the hardest thing but its true though. Do I still care alot about her? Do I still like her? The answer to both of those questions are yes without a doubt I do that is why this is so damn hard to admit for me. Long ago I accepted the reality that not many people read this and that is fine. Maybe someday somebody will stumble upon this than they will have a ton of reading to do about the circle of things that has lead to whatever point in life I am at in that magic moment
Though for once in my life I am completely unsure of whether her and I will ever be an item again. Its strange and i wish i could peer into a giant crystal ball and see my future that would make life alot easier. Her words dangle in my brain, "Chris what if at the end we don't get back together?" (not direct quote mind you but close enough) and it hit me I don't know with that in mind to an extent I need to start truly taking steps back.
Its truly surreal for me though. Tomorrow would be exactly 5 months for Trish and I. Kind of one of those well that was fun lol Time to move on. Def need to do something tomorrow to distract myself from that reality! I am thinking hanging out with my friends is in order at least Friday night that is. Than Saturday its down to school to work on good old math until I can't see straight.
Mmm Easter will be spent with the family. Can I say how easy that will be? Naw we shall see its interesting still some days I am struck hard by things and than other times not so much. But on the good side though its a celebration of the day Jesus rose from the grave. Not waxing religious here just saying there is a whole lot more to Easter than just myself and my own personal issues
Things I am certain of even with all the uncertainty is that I do like Trisha. Trisha is gorgeous. Trisha has a wonderful smile/laugh. If we do not end up together whoever she ends up is very lucky to have such a real girl who truly will care about them with each part of her being. She goes above and beyond for the people she cares about in her life friend or boyfriend. If we do try again we will have to start over over there will be no just picking up the pieces with this and going forward. As far as telling her I love her love her as in really love her with all my heart will take time.
Hope you enjoyed this trip inside my mind. Hope all is well in your worlds. With this I am off and i will catch ya on the flip side
Deep down through all of this confusion and not knowing I have come to realize that deep down I somewhere along the line fell out of love with Trisha. For me admitting this is the hardest thing but its true though. Do I still care alot about her? Do I still like her? The answer to both of those questions are yes without a doubt I do that is why this is so damn hard to admit for me. Long ago I accepted the reality that not many people read this and that is fine. Maybe someday somebody will stumble upon this than they will have a ton of reading to do about the circle of things that has lead to whatever point in life I am at in that magic moment
Though for once in my life I am completely unsure of whether her and I will ever be an item again. Its strange and i wish i could peer into a giant crystal ball and see my future that would make life alot easier. Her words dangle in my brain, "Chris what if at the end we don't get back together?" (not direct quote mind you but close enough) and it hit me I don't know with that in mind to an extent I need to start truly taking steps back.
Its truly surreal for me though. Tomorrow would be exactly 5 months for Trish and I. Kind of one of those well that was fun lol Time to move on. Def need to do something tomorrow to distract myself from that reality! I am thinking hanging out with my friends is in order at least Friday night that is. Than Saturday its down to school to work on good old math until I can't see straight.
Mmm Easter will be spent with the family. Can I say how easy that will be? Naw we shall see its interesting still some days I am struck hard by things and than other times not so much. But on the good side though its a celebration of the day Jesus rose from the grave. Not waxing religious here just saying there is a whole lot more to Easter than just myself and my own personal issues
Things I am certain of even with all the uncertainty is that I do like Trisha. Trisha is gorgeous. Trisha has a wonderful smile/laugh. If we do not end up together whoever she ends up is very lucky to have such a real girl who truly will care about them with each part of her being. She goes above and beyond for the people she cares about in her life friend or boyfriend. If we do try again we will have to start over over there will be no just picking up the pieces with this and going forward. As far as telling her I love her love her as in really love her with all my heart will take time.
Hope you enjoyed this trip inside my mind. Hope all is well in your worlds. With this I am off and i will catch ya on the flip side
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