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Picking up the pieces and Moving forward

As of late I have not written a new blog for quite a while because I have been incredibly busy with school. But here goes nothing. Woke up this morning right at five o'clock more or less on the dot! Bam hello your wide awake time to start your day (ala I was not going back to sleep).

Currently I have no clue what is going to come of Trisha and I but essentially she broke things off yesterday. You know I guess I should celebrate the fact that it wasn't one of those brutal break ups or anything like that. Of course I have a few thoughts as to why things ended? Saying it ended makes it sound like I am talking about a movie or a book or something like that. Just feels quite generic. But the surreality of it all I think is still too me very much like a kind of book of sorts

No doubt many out there in internet land or even on this site know what the picking up the pieces experience is like. At the end of a break up even if that person says it wasn't your fault you can't help but blame yourself. Want to try to find faults in yourself. Change it up so you don't get hurt. In the end she said towards the beginning of this month she hasn't been feeling that passion and the closeness that you do to someone you love. As she put it to me, "I am starting to feel like I am just spending time with a friend..." but in reality shouldn't that be what a solid relationship is truly like.

This weekend I am going to see Trisha and we will sit down and talk about things. I'll do my best to keep my emotions out of things. Just lay down the facts like this is some kind of business deal because that will make it alot easier. How successful will that be? That is another story I'll letcha all know when I see her

On the phone we talked about going to a sort of friends with benefits relationship/going back to sort of just dating and figuring things out before we dive back into a more serious relationship. Its the not knowing that is eating me up inside. Its the not knowing that left me without a serious appetite this morning. Its the note knowing that no doubt jolted me awake this morning. Hopefully can find some sort of clarity to everything this weekend

Ultimately the toughest thing about all of this is I have been through many terrible relationships. But this one with Trisha felt and feels the most genuine. We have sooo much in common its ridiculous. Maybe we will salvage things. And just maybe her and I will come out of this as friends because as she put it she doesn't want to lose me in her life

 Today is going to be a challenge of figuring out away to pick up those pieces enough that I can mentally do what needs to be done as far as school work goes. Yesterday after this things fell by the way side and I could not focus on a thing. Wish me luck guys. With that I am off. Hope all is well on your ends. I'll catch ya on the flip side

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