Inside The Mind Of A Writer

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your worlds. On my end, I had an incredible birthday with the biggest surprise gift being an brand new phone (Samsung s4) which the more I use it the more I realize how out of touch technology wise I was. Also I got a sweet new knife (a great self opening one), an mp3 player, and lastly more recently a hardback copy of the newest and final book written by Tom Clancy...Command Authority. Yes, I don't read as often obviously in hardback but nevertheless it being his very last! Its a great thing to have for sure. Oh and I also got the new Assassins Creed game which of what I have played which i is a little bit it is awesome so far Just realizing how long its been since I actually wrote an updated new blog on life which as been incredibly hectic to put it lightly. With school almost being over for the semester it feels like just yesterday I started back at Boise State. It will not be easy but I think I can definitely conquer this d

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your world's. I just realized it has been forever and a little bit more since I have written a new entry. On my end, I have been busy with finance which is painful as hell to put it lightly, I am hoping if I bust my tail I can knock the next test out and ultimately knock out the cumulative final for the class. Too think I thought Calculus was difficult? I'd rather be doing hours and hours of calculus than work another second on finance which seems to just compound onto itself into nonsense land. One positive thing, is a guy whom tutored me over at CWI started going to Boise State and we're taking the same class and we have become great friends. As, I write this I am listening to the new duet cover album of old Everly. Its an great jazz, pop collaboration between Billie Joe Armstrong (the lead singer of Green Day) and Nora Roberts. The album is titled "Foreverly", I'd say its probably not for everyone being

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your world's. On my end, I am sitting here drinking my coffee having a hard time getting my brain going and buckling down and working on finance or math before I take off to work here at 10 am and work till 2pm this afternoon (which is an incredibly short and odd shift). I am looking forward to the holiday madness as it picks up because it means a lot more hours but on the same token it also means more assholes climb out of the woodwork as well. I say bring on the insanity! Now you're probably wondering what is my title referencing this time? As you'll recall in my previous blog I finally came to an painful but solid conclusion that keeping that girl in my life overall wouldn't lead to anything good. For a time I gave her a second opportunity even after she realized where I was coming from mentally having liked her and having realized I couldn't just be friends. She added em and we chatted and it came around fro

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your world's. On my end, I've been busy with school and working a lot more which is good considering previously I wasn't getting many hours at work. Kenny Rogers sums up things with that girl I mentioned previously. Like the previous woman this one showed interest and as you know we hit it off or seemed to. We shared a kiss and chatted for hours on end and she even said that she was interested in me. Ultimately after hearing nothing from her for a longer than normal period of time I have decided to fold them. Its funny I don't know what it is but this girl had my heart in my hands and maybe that was because she seriously seemed interested in me *shrugs* Either way I am not interested in claims of being busy etc...I don't have time in my life for that kind of shit. So, I hit the block button on facebook and sent her to the land of things that never were.  I read something a while back which said that despite ever

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your world's. On my end, right now I am sitting here listening to the newest Katy Perry album which is really solid, she is incredibly talented. Since writing my previous post about my father's cancer and feeling helpless I have an update of sorts on things. So it looks like the cancer is 100 % treatable which is great and more than likely he will be going to the Mayo Clinic where they have apparently the best surgeon in the country for pancreatic and liver surgery (which are apparently incredibly specialized). So, he will be in great hands when he does go its looking like at the beginning of November or so. The shittiest part of the whole deal, is that while, he will be getting the best care possible, I cannot afford to take off and go to Minnesota to support my mom. So there is some good news in there somewhere at least This past weekend, I went downtown Boise with my ex Trisha whom I previously talked about in past entri

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your world's. Last night I found out that at my dad's latest doctors visit they apparently found a spot of cancer on his liver. Apparently the success is 100 % but at the same time as much as its operable that little fucking bastard can also go elsewhere as well because its so tiny. One of the hardest things in my life I have gone through is being at the hospital and seeing my dad there unable to take care of himself. Because I don't give a shit how old he is he's always been that tough person no matter what has happened to anyone of us in the past! Getting my head shaved for fucking cancer this past year now feels pathetic because it doesn't make what my father has go away...I can't just take it away. I am grateful and surprised that the place I found comfort last night was in role-playing with an ex girlfriend slash really good friend Trisha. Yes, many of you know what I went through in the past but nevert

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're worlds. On my end, a while ago I wrote a blog entry about how I was going to start managing what I ate more, working out more regularly and yet I still find myself bottoming out at 165 lbs. I'd say its a daily battle for myself to choose eating healthy over grabbing like some orange chicken from panda express or grabbing a pop if I am tired vs just sticking to some water which would be healthier. I think first and foremost something that would help me is getting back into a more regular schedule in which I get up earlier every morning. Also try to go for a walk at least every single day or every other day...right now I am leaning toward every day with how much I am struggling I know people say its bad to work out for someone else but I want to look good for somebody else so someone can look at me when I take off my shirt and they're blown away and they say, "My man is sexy as hell look at that nice six pack

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're worlds. On my end, I had the best day I have had in a long time with a woman whom focused all her attention on me and listened to everything I had to say. We literally chatted for several hours without a care in the world and it was an incredibly remarkable feeling because it feels like we clicked. At the end of the evening, we kissed, and I felt like I was a star struck kid with a crush getting that first big kiss and my whole world literally just stood still. Writing this now, it kind of seems like a dream or something but it really happened and I am also smiling as well. Honestly, I don't know what will come from things but we're both into one another that much is crystal clear but at the same time both of us are understandably reserved considering what we've both mutually been through in the past I am semi reluctant to make anything crystal clear here because I am still feeling things out with her and am

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're worlds. On my end, I am doing good just drank my first cup of coffee and am also watched the movie The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy and it was laugh out loud hilarious, great writing, great acting, and it tugs perfectly at the heart strings. I'd say its defently worth owning the movie, The Heat. I love to write as I have mentioned in the past its something that helps me to clear my head and also have always loved to write poems. Here is one I wrote just now and its titled Monuments To: Monuments to the summer's end Ice cream trucks settled in musky garages A super super soaker tucked away A snow cone shake unfrequented An outdoor concert venue empty No warning There never is Longer days Leaves changed by the ghosts of artists past Gradual each day until its complete Finale for them standing quietly listening to the admiration's spilled Hot summer days washed away

Readers, Hey everyone I know not much has probably changed in your world's in between my last blog but I decided to write another one based purely around coffee. Actual coffee not the GTA brand coffee. Those of you whom follow this know damned well that I need my coffee and secondly the importance of my morning ritual. Those who drink coffee more regularly I'd imagine probably have that ritual of their own. For me its relaxing doing nothing serious at all...just drinking my first two cups of coffee and doing anything but be productive. Productivity gets put on the back burner until I am finished then its go time  Recently ie as of yesterday, for those who know and have read my blogs previously I do live with my folks while going to college. My mom changed brands of coffee she was buying and purchased some from Winco instead, the fill it yourself. Up to this point, I had gotten used to this rainforest brand coffee from Costco and thought it was okay and hell it was a lot bet

Readers, Hey I hope everything is going great in you're world's. On my end, I am sitting here listening to the new Miley Cyrus album, which is without an single doubt incredibly solid! Everything aside I think she is getting an extremely unfair rap. As far as I am concerned this new album shows she is incredibly musically talented and has slowly found herself. Now moving onto why this blog is sufficiently titled "End To Brilliance". I think it involves two events the first being the end of Breaking Bad this past weekend and secondly the death of Tom Clancy this morning. There are some people whom I talked to that I won't name names specifically but they said they'd have liked the show Breaking Bad to have ended differently. In my mind, after the major disappointment with how the show Dexter concluded this past weekend in my mind it was a true breathe of fresh air. No, don't worry if you're reading this I am not going to pull a bunch of spoilers out

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. I am sitting in finance class right now before it starts and writing this up while also giving the newest Elton John album, "Diving Board", a listen to and no surprise it is a very solid new album and also very powerful as well. Come this Friday, I take my first finance 303 exam, which yes apart of me is very worried about, because I feel like on some level that no matter how much I have studied this stuff that when it comes time for test time I will draw a blank and screw up entirely. On the other hand though it really feels like I am getting it which is pretty awesome and it helps working with a good friend and a fellow class mate whom also tutored me while at CWI in business statistics. Thankfully I don't actually work at all this week until Saturday so I will have plenty of infinite time to actually devote to getting this stuff stuck inside my head. Considering I know that even at this poin

Readers, Hey everyone its been quite a while since I have joined you guys and hope everyone has been well in a longer absence. I don't know what it was exactly that made a light bulb come on inside my brain and say to me that, "Hey Chris you're losing sight of you!", a two by four needed to knock up aside my head to get this idea through to me but its there. In the past I used to work out regularly and even had a solid goal in mind but somewhere along the way I honestly stopped giving a shit about working out because on some level I realized that after everything I've been through on some level I wanted to make myself that guy that no woman would find attractive at all. Hell, I wouldn't say on any level that I have become the Pillsbury Dough Boy, but if I don't do something and honestly start working out and keeping track of my calories I am taking in I am going to be there by Christmas. This is going to be one of those that isn't really easy to re

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. On my end, I just started back for my first day at Boise State, only to learn that my GPA, is far to low to actually stay as part of upper division standing for my degree. Its not even a 2.4 which there would be a tad bit of leeway in between calculus and failing statistics no doubt its down to the grand number of 2.2. I know I haven't written a single entry in quite a few weeks to put it lightly and in between the past two entries they haven't exactly said a single happy goddamned thing. So for those of you tuning in and thinking, "Chris we get it life is fucking tough get the fuck over it!" After learning from the main office where I was going to get my number that that was the effect and that essentially sure she could permit me but after reality set in and it was discovered that my GPA was so damned low I'd be booted anyway. All these years at school and this is what I have to show

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're worlds. So, its been an while since I have written anything. On my end since writing that previous post I decided maybe I was too harsh on her and gave her essentially an second chance. We talked a lot and things seemed too be going great than she just vanished off the face of the earth...of course people get busy I understand that but after four and an half days of no communication I was done. The way I look at it is this if you're even remotely interested in someone make an effort to say something. Hell I don't and didn't expect an text every single day but something...anything I am an fairly reasonable and understanding person life gets hectic. But nothing at all is not cool with me at all. A while back I wrote an poem that I think is quite fitting here and I think this before message is fitting. The poem below is titled, "Let's Play a game called Communication" ...............................

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're worlds. On my end the song by emiemn, "Cleanin Out The Closet", sums up exactly what I am feeling right now. Its funny though I am not really bummed or sad or any of that when she sort of withdrew herself the first time around I reconciled with the fact that okay she really wasn't interested in me *shrugs* Not an problem I mean after all we never really met in person but we did talk all the time (that I want to make crystal clear). We talked about everything under the sun and when I offered up the question of interest...she told me yes she liked me a lot and that she was sorry she got incredibly busy. Okay, I understand life gets hectic sometimes I more than anyone knows that especially with this calculus but there is something about saying if you like someone you show it even if its just an random text or a little phone call. But once again it became nothing but me texting her and no random phone calls o

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great with you. On my end I am listening to the newest Papa Roach album which came out this past year but nevertheless it is awesome though and just figured I'd do a real solid update on things. I can't believe I have ten more days left and then I am done with calculus. Right now as it stands I take my last real test in the class this coming Tuesday and than the following week I take my final exam! Holy shit saying that is just kind of mind blowing because unlike in the past this far in the game I am seated comfortably enough that I should be able to get a C in the class and ultimately pass and put this baby to rest once and for all. Of course nevertheless keep me in you're prayers because yes I can study till I am blue in the face but there will always be apart of me which is sitting there on my little shoulder that says, "Chris its math you're gonna mess this one up!" This past weekend has been a lot of fun hangi

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. Like many undertakings in the past when writing this blog I have written about my own personal struggles with getting out of that dark place and winning, this whole self doubt and math, acceptance that I am a photographer, and so on. If you're curious what I am talking about feel free to read through everything seeing as how I have always been pretty open and used this as a place to clear out my head entirely and honestly. Hell, its not always pretty but it keeps me sane and I have no doubt at least to a degree on some level helps others so that's why I choose to write so bluntly about what is going on in my own life. One of the things in my own personal life that I have struggled with is that battle between eating what tastes good vs what is good for me. I would say at one point I really fell off the bandwagon and ate everything under the sun and its even worse when depressed it all goes to hell lol

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're worlds. On my end i've enjoyed a very nice break from the madness of this college Calculus class. Its Monday so essentially its back to the daily grind of school so to speak but here is a bit of a recap so to speak since I am writing this all after the fact of it happening and its not perfectly recapped.  This past Thursday I played some basket ball with my friend Randy and it being the 4th of July we hung out and went and watched the fireworks on a parking garage downtown Boise nearby the college here (Boise State) and my friend Noelle met up with us. Overall I'd say the firework display was a 100 percent better than last year. Prior to that we went out to eat at Chili's so all in all a great fourth of july Then on Friday we hung out again and this time we went to Boondocks and played mini golf, raced go karts, played arcade games. Oh and I was incredibly surprised they have really good food at Boondocks I h

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. Looking at the date of my last blog I just realized I haven't written a single one of these last month literally and the early part of last month at that. So time to delve into that thing called life considering I haven't written in this in a good while so consider this an update on the past and where my life currently stands. Its funny you hear that common saying, "Good things come to those who wait", and as you know these past months finally coming to terms and vanquishing my own negative feelings towards Jolene has been hard as hell considering how they ultimately washed out in the end. But I am proud to say I have come to terms with them and by no means would I go out to lunch with her or an dinner persay but if I did see her in public I'd be able to be truly civil and talk to her without harboring bad feelings towards her. I just got back a few weeks ago maybe a bit more from an in

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're worlds. On my end this morning my father said to me, "You should apply for unemployment they are giving you very few hours", reality is that is the truth its been a whole week since I have worked a single day and before that its been sparing at best. The last day I worked was this past Saturday and that was because apparently someone called in and after that it was because someone I work with was working "too much". I love working at Gordmans but this whole only working at best one day a week is not cutting the cheese at all. Hell i've been with the company since they opened last week and it feels like I barely exist too them anymore! This is something I have choose to ignore because well school has had me in a noose but very soon I will be out of school for this semester and where does that leave me? Oh sure I will now have more time to spare but really? I have been there since the beginning and

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. I haven't written a new entry in quite some time because I've been incredibly busy with school which is almost over! Wow I can't believe it in literally three weeks I'll be done and I'll be back to Boise State; which I need to apply too be accepted into the upper division business department again here and register for finance 303 and business statistics 208. My boss described me as being a brain fogged college student which is too true these days if I take a break at all it feels odd like I am doing something wrong. On the side I've been reading a little bit of course and I got into the show Sons Of Anarchy which is a damn good show for sure. In the tutor lab here at CWI some women were talking about Fifty Shades Of Gray and I sort of chimed in and one of the women told me, "You should read it you're girlfriend will go crazy and she'll love it"; implying first that

Readers, Hey everyone I hope life is going great in you're world's. On my end as the title suggests, at this point the trains cranked all the way too go! Only a few more weeks and my time at CWI will come to a bitter sweet end and its a return back to Boise State where I will wrap up my BA's in business administration and in human resources.  I've made a lot of incredible friends while going here and I'll never quite forget how I initially felt like the new kid when I moved to Idaho and left Virginia behind that is how I felt when I first started out at CWI. Very soon though it began to feel like a kind of home of sorts, a place where learning could actually happen and I could make something of myself. No, this isn't exactly an selling CWI to everyone though I have enjoyed it here. On my friends side i've made quite a few great friends here and I am grateful for that because those are the people whom make when the going gets tough bearable and make it so

Readers, Hey everyone I hope life is treating you well. So, as the title suggests I got my head shaved yesterday for a fundraiser they were holding at CWI raising money for Cancer Awareness Month; as many of you know this hits pretty close too home for me with my dad battling colon cancer and not exactly being sure he was going to come through at the time and of course as I have talked about extensively as well my dad's cancer is entirely gone no side effects and or issues. I realize many people out there know someone whom was taken by cancer and or are currently battling it themselves and lastly know someone whom is currently battling it. There is no easy thing to say like it will be all right but understand their are people out there who have gone through the same thing and can entirely relate and you don't need to carry that burden upon yourself (I didn't exactly expect this turn in things, I was originally going to go slightly light hearted) but as many of you know th

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. These days I have to remind myself life is not just another daily grind; if I focus on it I get bummed because it feels like I am doing nothing but working on school and a nice little break of going to the y to work out and occasionally squeezing in reading and watching something but not very often though. I can't believe next week I already have another test in my calculus class time flies when the information is pouring into your brain. According to my math lab i've spent now more than 72 hours working away on math which i'd say is necessary for me too actually be successful. As a whole with my first test grade in play that I am understanding the material just it won't ever come easy to be persay its going too be something I have to work my ass off at. With the land of statistics I am bound and determined to score a B in that class but with my teacher it won't be an easy task but I am b

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. Its now 10:01 pm and I am sitting here hot cup of coffee beside me at the kitchen counter writing away on my lap top listening to the newest Tim Mcgraw album: "Two Lanes Of Freedom"; like every other album in the past its another solid one well worth checking out. There is a full pot of coffee set and ready to be guzzled which there is no doubt I will do before the morning becomes too young. In a few days I have a first exam in Business Statistics and I have an first exam in calculus which as many of you know are my nemeses; I won't let this be a failed fourth time in math and a failed third time with stats. Knocked out the take home problem portion of my statistics test in its entirety being able to utilize excel its a lot easier overall instead of all this emphasis on being a stats expert like at Boise State where you had too know every single formula and be able to pull them out of you'r