Inside The Mind Of A Writer

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. I am sitting here in the ILC at Boise State after eating a dinner of left over spaghetti and while reading/almost finishing the newest John Grisham novel called Racketeer and it is a damn good book! I'd highly recommend you check it out. Its a strange thing reading e books considering I have always loved the feel of that new book in my hands but as I have read more and more novels on my computer in the e book format I have grown strangely enough to love it. This past year has been rocky to put it lightly; one hell of an emotional roller coaster I am happy to say I am alive and survived but in ways I think that emotionally speaking I am not truly ready even if the opportunity was to present itself to truly put my whole being into a new relationship. Its a big thing to put all your trust into somebody else and see them all the time and than have that person ultimately be the one that screws with your he

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your world's. Yesterday I celebrated my 28th birthday with my family which was very nice. As a whole I am incredibly lucky that despite my failings in school as they may be that my parents love me so much and secondly my brothers and my incredible sister in laws and my cute niece and nephew. The little highlight to start things off was when the door opened and my brother Mike got their with my sister in law Jen and my niece Taylor ran in and instantly ran to me wrapping her arms around my waist and hugging me saying, "Happy Birthday Chris" in her little voice and than just because it makes me smile even more I said tell me how much you love me. Its funny the little things that light your world up for me its hearing my little niece tell me she loves me. As I sit here writing this I am now listening to the newest Rihanna album Unapologetic which is a very solid album for sure so far which I am not surprised at all about

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. I am sitting here listening to the newest Ke$ha album and studying away and doing more preparing for my second business stats exam that I have at two. Overall I defently need to own it but I am having trouble getting my ass into gear and seriously studying this morning though. I don't know what it is whether it is some kind of random funk or maybe its the fact that i've been on a thanksgiving break (which didn't really turn out too be much of an actual break it was more studying my ass off for this business stats exam). Hoping this coffee I am drinking kicks my brain into start mode that would be awesome for sure. Overall having a break off from school was pretty nice I got caught up on Boardwalk Empire entirely, I got caught up on The Walking Dead, I got all caught up on Dexter. Of course yesterday a whole bunch of new episodes aired but i will catch up on those eventually now just back to the d

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. I know in the past i've spoken about my tense relationship with my father and the fact that yes I love him but sometimes it is difficult being his son though; hell I know he loves me and just wants me too be successful and he has cracked down because in the past my history given the opportunity I'd much rather play than be serious about school. So now all that known recently I started Thanksgiving break which usually would be a break from school a week of relaxation and just clearing one's head from school and of course nevertheless doing some school work because school doesn't just stop entirely in fact when particular teachers decide to have tests right after the break ie. my stats teacher as soon as we get back its test mode. But its different though right now having bombed my first stats test going into this break and struggling in my math class but not doing horrible its been full on stu

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. On my end I am doing good just winding down working on math in the math tutor lab after earlier working on statistics for three and a half hours this morning. As of late i've been talking with a pretty awesome girl named Sara as of now she is figuring things out and isn't quite sure where she stands so for the time being I have gained an incredible new friend which is a great feeling. Maybe down the road something may play out but if nothing else I am content with the idea that I gained a new friend; a new friend whom I can truly talk about everything under the sun with and its cool no worries she doesn't judge me. We had one epic fail date but ever since that epic fail date in which I jumped the gun and thought it was the right moment to kiss her oddly enough we have been cool as hell with one another though of course she gives me shit occasionally about it. Just realized how long it has literal

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great. I can't believe today is Friday it feels like this week zipped by like that. Something that will be nice is a return to the little tradition of meeting with my best friend John who doesn't go to Boise State but works at the radio station we'll be meeting at the BRC ie a food place in the sub here so that will be nice to shoot the shit with him around 10:30ish. At noon I am taking a math quiz which I am actually feeling incredibly good about and really truly feeling like I am getting this math stuff were working on even if it takes me longer to work it out. On the other hand I am glad my friend Jessica is going to Boise State because the little break eating lunch with her or shooting the shit is really nice she helps me from meandering to a potential dark place. Life is an interesting thing it has a way of making things happen that you never thought would. All in all I wish my car situation was different because their is t

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. On my end I am incredibly busy with school and also feeling the wave of loneliness as it starts to get colder. It feels weird after a while of sharing the same bed with somebody else now not sharing it with a single person. Not sure exactly what it even is that has brought these thoughts on but I am now listening to the album "War Stories" by the band Unkle which is the same thing that kept me going when my dad was in the hospital battling with colon cancer. Hell I should be working away on calculus right now and that or killing statistics in the stats lab over in the new goddamn business building but can't bring myself to focus on either right now. Instead just randomly blah today. I slept like shit last night woke up once at midnight and than another time at three o'lock and don't think I got to bed until like three thirty. How's it possible to be burnt out before you even get bac

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. An update on things has seemed to be harder to write then usual; just sort of feels right now like I am spinning my wheels and getting nowhere fast. I think that is what a huge part of accepting what happened and moving forward in anyway you possible is truly all about. Over these past several months i've been battling mentally with what finally occurred. No matter how I look at it things with Jolene were a shitty situation and I am just grateful she showed her true colors at the end or I might have been with her for the rest of my life and that would not have been good. Right now I am trying to slowly get back out there and date other people. I realize Jolene was Jolene and nobody is her and from what everybody has said what she did was beyond messed up and any normal person will not pull that. So I am just slowly easing myself out there and picking up with the dating end of things *shrugs* who knows wh

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world. I just realized how long it has been since I have written one of these. No, I wasn't abducted by aliens just been very busy with work and school. At noon today I have my second math quiz here is to hoping I own it that would rock. Also here in a few hours I am going to be the proud owner of Light Room Four which originally is about eight hundred outside and seventy five at campus. I am getting it for free from my friend whose husband has an extra copy. A random little video of its features: A random little overview of its features needless to say it is an incredibly sick photography editing program and at least in my opinion as a photographer and minor editor it makes editing photographs a thousand times easier. I am also working on losing more of myself into. The photography side of things is gradually taking off but in ways I realize I also have a lot to learn in the realm of photography. I am

Readers, Hey everyone I hope alls going great in you're worlds. A week or so ago I wrote a previous entry about the ex coming out of the wood work and swearing up and down she was pregnant with my child or "could be" and that if I cared i'd reconcile things with her. Fat chance after what we had been through I didn't have any reconciling in my heart though I did do a lot of mental battling. A lot of what is best for me and I also battled it out with her. She stuck to her guns swearing she was pregnant and I'd better step up to the plate if its "mine". I knew something was rotten too begin with as I made it clear with what I wrote strongly a few weeks ago. I suspected Jolene was lying through her teeth just how she suddenly texted me about it instead of phoning me. So grateful for my best friend Randy Hopkins who was there for me when the going got tough. When I started to seriously question whether she was lying or telling the truth. For keeping

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. This past weekend the girl that never existed tried to slip back into my life by texting me saying she was pregnant and wanted to be for sure if it was her current guy's or her and i's. Bare in mind she stuck in the middle of it that she hoped it wasn't mine. I swear some people are like cats or dogs you push them off of you and they keep hopping up on you hoping you will pet them or give them attention never mind you are busy trying to get shit done. My cat Snowball is awesome i'll drop the world and give her food, pet her till her fur rubs off her body and jut all around she is a great cat but the one person I will not pay any mind to is the one who never existed for five months. This is the same chick who not a day after we are done shacks up with her random coworker and does the dirty without a condom and than expects me to somehow feel bad for her? Or expects me to run out there and g

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're worlds. On my end I am sitting here listening to the band Aranda whom I saw a few days ago   when they opened up for the bands Saving Abel and Dead Sara. They did their song Satisfied in concert and not many days before that I told her when she suddenly texted me I wanted nothing to do with her at all and that night when they played the song it hit me and set all my brains sensors going off like spidey senses! It hit me that I didn't want to just not be friends ever again. I didn't just create in its place a story of being off on a photography adventure but that I loathed the ground she walked on. Here is the song I am talking about for you're listening pleasure: For those of you whom are in similar situations or who are you're wits end whether its with a guy or a girl it should hit you in the same way. If it doesn't oh well and I am not dogging love believe it or not I am 100 % a hopeless rom

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. Over the past week or so I have been sorting things out before settling down to write a new addition to things and also since having a conversation with a good friend of mine whose name I will not name as other than Scooby because he probably won't want me to mention him by name here, "Chris you have to start doing things for yourself and nobody else" and also with regard to the up in the air Jolene situation, "You have to go all the way and not do it part of the way either" so that is what I am doing for one thing I am stepping out of the world of serious romance for a bit now but at the same time I am not closing myself entirely off just in case someone does come along that really does peak my interest. As far as the whole going all the way with the cutting ties to Jolene its official that part of things will be easy. She says she just wanted to find herself but everyone else whom I

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. On my end with Jolene for once in my life after yesterday I feel like I am really moving forward now. Its funny how you are like yes I got this but part of your brain is still locked up in what could potentially be later down the road. We said a lot of hurtful things back and forth too one another initially but than I realized ultimately that while I want to be furious with her its not right she really and honestly truly is looking to find herself. She's a bad person despite what I may want to say but of course the whole being split up from her is still bitter sweet as ever though and always will be. There is no doubt that she will hold a special place in my heart. Yesterday exchanged things with Jolene and than we went out to lunch at Goodwood bbq one more time and sat in our usual spot in the restaurant. Overall it was very nice but you know with everything being still fresh I wasn't in the greates

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're world's. Its funny for a while there certain forces told me to be less honest and put less out here when in fact what helped me is being honest as possible and putting everything out there when writing these whether it put me in a bad light or not. On some level this helps me find myself and discover all the crazy thoughts running through my brain and sorting out the bullshit and finding the truth. Discovering the needle at the bottom of the huge haystack. That needle is that I am okay person; I may not be perfect but nobody ever is really perfect; a lot of people pretend to be but they are not. There are real people and there are fake people; everyone lies that's a given truth just some less than others and if you are really good about you accept the fact that lying doesn't help anything. These past few days cooping with the breakup when people have asked me how I was doing I said okay that it just takes a d

Readers; Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. Its now 12:17 in the morning just got home from Roaring Springs which I got in for free so that was fun but I found myself dwelling on what I didn't have; what had come to a close; that being the relationship with Jolene and I. Hell it was an even shorter relationship than the one with my last ex at this point I think I might be something of a plague. So many people are like you are awesome blah blah blah but of course what the fuck else are they going to say? Over these past weeks I learned I flunked my summer math class so that makes me feel overjoyed!  Hell at this point I am pretty sure I will get out of college when I am maybe thirty years old. At this point in my life I seriously am left wondering again what do I have to truly offer a woman seriously in a substantial sustaining relationship. I mean I still live with my parents while going to college. I have a part time job that somewhat pays the

Readers, Hey everyone I hope alls going great in you're worlds. In mind life is a constant battle to stay a float and feel like I have a full grasp on everything in front of me but one thing I know without a single doubt is that I have found the one that I love more than I have ever loved anyone else in my life. If someone asks you how do you know you truly love somebody? (ten reasons you can give them for clearly why. Hell I am not an expert but I'd bet a solid paycheck on this though): 1) You may flirt with someone else that is perfectly natural but you don't go any further than that ever because that special somebody is on your mind  2) When you see two other people together you feel lonesome because they are not beside you their hand in yours and your lips pressed against theirs  3) The idea of going clothes shopping usually would be painful but now you don't mind because you are doing it with them (or something else that person likes to do) \ 4) When away fr

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. Today I got quite a bit of math done but nothing significant though as I probably would have liked considering I have a test coming up this Thursday in math. Not sure what it is but I have been in a really off mood. Wish my bank account would refill itself and I had more hours under my belt if it was that way on days like these i'd randomly just take off for Idaho falls to see my girl who always knows just how to lift me up out of a funk. I think I am just frustrated is all with the fact of if I do not knock out the assignment assigned yesterday that gets counted against me big time ultimately in the grades. Points in this class are few and far between so I have to get them where I can grab them else they slip between my fingertips and they are gone just like that! Just don't know I do know this I need to stick it out and kick ass and take fucking names can't let this class defeat me Just so

Readers,  Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. I am sitting here listening to the latest Zac Brown Band album specifically, "Jump Right In" its a really great tune in many ways they are reminiscent of the likes of J immy Buffett musically speaking and the sounds of the lead singers voice as well.  Right now I am just waking up more after staying up until 2:30 this morning working on a math assignment which I knocked out for the most part (not going to be on the test assignment) but she made it adamantly clear that she is going to collect it prior to the test on Thursday so I knocked it out so I won't have to even look at it again.  Glad to say I got most of it knocked out prior to crashing last night though got stuck on a few of them and that could simply be because my brain while helped along by coffee it was also hindered by it as well.  Yesterday after an amazing fourth of July weekend it was back to my night class. I truly did hav

Readers,  Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. Let me first start by saying Happy 4th of July to everyone. Of course as many of you know I am incredibly patriotic and incredibly grateful for the men and women who serve, have served and also died to preserve my freedoms at home. I think the opening photograph while blown up quite a bit is fitting for today. I have been told it holds a certain kind of power to it and really almost illuminates all the marines with a halo effect. This wasn't an intended photographic effect I did nothing to mess with it at all it just came out that way. So enjoy it. I am excited in a few hours i'll be spending the week with my incredible girlfriend Jolene whom despite the fact that yes sometimes we disagree at the end of the day I love her very much as I have spoken about in this and I am so grateful to have her in my life. She really is gorgeous and lights up a room when she walks into it and no doubt is truly

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all's going good in you're worlds. This morning I am sitting here drinking my first cup of coffee and must be getting old because I was up until oneish that is until my brain finally quit working and let me sleep prior to that skyped with my girl which was nice to relax and just talk to her after another long day of working on math; but i am thinking wow I am tired should have hit the hay earlier. Wow I didn't think i'd ever be saying that...ever ever you are talking to the night owl of night owls. Or at least maybe once upon a time I was the night owl now its just I stay up reading and most mornings I am like okay I got this so i don't even think about it (thinking the second might be the case). Oh and this morning before I get going I thought of a random little coffee jingle/poem/i don't even know but here you go I am thinking most people can appreciate this:  ‎"Coffee...Coffee...Coffee. There is nothing quite like you n

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all's going good in you're world's. So I had my first day of work on Monday that wasn't just training that is. Overall it wasn't so bad and actually and really looking forward to Gourdman's opening to the public. Monday was unpacking a lot of different things, learning to tag items and also learning essentially where stuff goes. No doubt there will be quite a bit more of that today but it helps because I have some pretty awesome managers who really seem to care about the employee now of course they also want you to crank it out there and get on top of things understandably. Nevertheless I am looking forward to going to work and not just because of a paycheck either but because i like the place I work at and the people who I work with. I got up early on Monday and worked away on math and than it was off to work at noon just like I am also working a noon shift today and after work its onto my night math class at Boise State. So far