Inside The Mind Of A Writer

Readers, Hey everyone I hope you're doing great. On my end, its the evening prior to New Years Eve which for sure I am celebrating with my fiance Ruth Clark (the one I gush a lot about in practically every single entry). Plans right now are sort of in limbo not sure if I'll be able to get an bowling lane this late in the game and am not really feeling going downtown this year because no doubt it'll be bat shit crazy. What's nailed down, a for sure is that Ruth and I will be staying in a suite with one of those hot tubs in the room; first ever and I am not working the following day so I intend to relax and do the late check out. Either way I am really looking forward to what next year has to offer, there are quite a few uncertainties like the school but either way I have my love and have no doubt that either way we'll fully support one another in everything we do. There is no doubt in my mind that I am the luckiest man alive to have such a loving and incredibly sup

Readers, Hey everyone I hope you're doing great. So, I survived the madness of black Thursday! A great thanksgiving dinner with my extended family (in laws) and my fiance Ruth than it was back to my place for some more grub prior to me zipping off to work. For those who have done the two thanksgivings every single year, I give you mad props because I don't know how you do it. After eating around 1:00 pm, I was stuffed and barely had enough room for more food when we went to my folks place around 5 pmish. So, I was into work at 5:45 and the doors opened at six pm and the rush poured inside. Most of the night I was supposed to be cashiering but most of it was actually spent out on the floor putting things away and assisting people. The night slowly dragged on and on and gradually of course the door busters vanished, then the late shoppers wandered in at 2 am and were still looking to find something or take advantage of the deals...had to inform them that they ended at 1 am. T

Readers, Hey everyone I hope you're doing great. Years ago when I started penning this online journal I never thought for a second anyone would ever want to read this or continue to read it either. Honestly I decided to let a friend read it and I was surprised when they came back years ago and said, "Wow this is good I can totally relate. You need to share this!". Part of me in that moment thought you're nuts I am ripping down the curtains and sharing everything about me...from thoughts of heart break, to cooping with thoughts of possible suicide (where I battled with beating myself up, don't worry that beast is in its cage and has been now for some time), to dealing with the frustrations of the big bad dating world, my own personal feelings regarding school and my possible failings at it, and happiness there was plenty of that and is plenty of that. So, I started gradually just sharing current blogs, only to have people actually go back and explore everything f

Readers,  Hey everyone I hope all is going good with you. On my end, still reeling from what was truly an incredible concert! Ruth couldn't really get into Gaelic Storm prior to the show but ended up loving them. I've been to some damned good concerts over the years. Prior to this one, one that stands out is One Republic, The Script and The American Authors they all put on a damned good high energy show. As you know I have also seen the band Queensryche several years prior half a dozen times and as I said many times over they always put on one hell of a show. Gaelic Storm now resides on that list of great concerts, most of the time was spent clapping and semi dancing (because god only knows I can't really do an Irish jig). Smiling, laughing and singing along they really involved those watching them live! Incredible singing, musicianship, drums, percussion, violin. You name it they truly put on a hell of a great show and I'd highly recommend you go see them in concert

Readers, Hey everyone I hope you're doing great! I am just trying to wake up and get going. Last night, Ruth and I went and saw the band Drowning Pool in concert along with several other bands (Red Tide Rising) and another one whose name slips my mind. The concert ultimately went until almost midnight then got to meet the band Drowning Pool! I remember listening to the album Desensitized gazillion different times when I was younger because it was slightly more hardcore and in your face and in high school when it came out it was perfect *smiles* I mentioned the band Red Tide Rising and I'd highly recommend you check them out, they're a bit younger but incredibly talented and a cross between in this Moment. Down to earth and beyond incredibly talented everyone of them. Very metal and very great apparently their first time in Idaho and hoping they come back again because they fucking killed it I was blown away by the fact that the lead guitarist for Drowning Pool was act

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great with you. On my end, my finger is now feeling less naked; I had to get my ring resized because I'd lost weight. Ultimately I wouldn't recommend going with Fred Meyer, they initially told my fiance it would take two weeks to get back and than we were told three weeks. The whole experience was exhausting and frustrating. The manager whom we dealt with at last goes, "We usually tell our customers it'll take about three weeks", and of course I wanted to protest and say, "Well then why didn't your associate tell us that?". I am happy with the ring place I went with and in the future intend to do all my purchases with them. Fred Meyers is good for other things but I wouldn't recommend buying jewelry from them at all! Especially something as significant as an engagement ring for your loved one. So whew, rings back on my finger and I can't stop looking it, literally I get chills when I look at it and

Readers, Hey everyone I hope you're doing great. I wrote last time about being excited for something but also said I couldn't talk about it either and that was when and where I was planning to propose to my girlfriend Ruth (because she reads this). I went through the proper old school channels ie. asking her dad if I could have his daughters hand in marriage; several weeks ago and he said yes. In fact he actually said you didn't have to ask me but I told him I wanted to include him and that I am semi old fashioned. Prior to that Ruth and I went and looked at rings together so both of us could get an idea of what we wanted to get one another (yes we talked openly about wanting to be together and getting engaged). So, I had been waiting for a while debating where to buy a ring and enlisted the help of my friend Randy and together we went and looked at rings. I was happy with where we went and found the perfect ring for her (literally I kept going back to it), so I put money

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great with you. On my end, I have officially put in right around 40 hrs on this math together with a tutor whose helping me along (and I have little to nothing to show for it!). Hell, I know I shouldn't be hard on myself at all...after all not everyone is great at calculus but still people complete it and move on and you have me still sitting here on my ass not having fucking completed it. When I am not working with Tom, I try to work on this math and I can't do it. Literally I work a gazillion plus examples and nothing works out well for me. I am so close I can smell it, but who am I kidding? Without this goddamned class I can't take my last two classes at Boise State and graduate from college...so all this time put in is for nothing! Yes, I am pretty good at photography and I am also pretty good at writing both could probably be a career in the long run but right now I need a solid job with vacation pay and everything else. I

Readers, Hey everyone I hope you're doing good. I should be tackling a first blog for D & B supply, but mentally I think I've hit a roadblock. I was told it could be casual and i'd have my own voice but right now I am having a hard time finding it, that voice that says, "Chris you're kidding yourself", is yelling louder. As I write this I wonder if writers who actually have it made sometimes still battle with that creature? Does Dean Koontz ever get caught up on not knowing what to write? I'd like to say no because well its Dean Koontz and in my mind he's the best writer ever. After writing for a long time like he has i'd like to think writing block and uncertainty doesn't exist Yesterday, I met at Rembrandt's with a representative for D & B supply, she found me via twitter and searching me apparently by typing in the words "chicken" and "garden", after that she took a walk through everything facebook, my pho

Readers, Hey everyone I hope you're doing great. As for myself while I write this I am also waking up with my first mug (which as many of you know or hell maybe you're just tuning in to this channel, it holds two cups), it is already feeling like it'll be a several mug or hell even a pot kind of morning. But at least I got up instead of resetting my alarm till later or intending to get up and actually laying my head down on my pillow and conking out. So its a start. Though god only knows I don't know or get how someone can be awake right away or live without coffee in the am? As for me I need at least some sort of fuel to wake me up so I can tackle the day! Although yes it is a slow gradual wake up process with this mug of coffee so the am between 6-7 am is fairly useless actually *shrugs* But at least, I've gotten my day started going already. Tonight at work will be my third night working in the home department which I have come to realize that I missed a lot!

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your worlds. On my end, its surreal to think that as time draws closer to when I would have been signing up for classes at Boise State I am not doing it this semester. Its so hard because I am so damned close to graduating, but still haven't won this battle with calculus. Right now I am getting tutoring from my next door neighbor in calculus and getting this calculus done. My plan is too work on it during when I would be going to school and then testing out of it at CWI and returning back to Boise State ready to kick ass and take names! As I wrote last time as well it helps having such a loving supportive girl by my side, Ruth has been nothing short of a godsend pushing me and being there right by my side. There is no doubt that everyday I spend with her she is a keeper and I find myself loving her more and more every single day A few days ago, I took a break from the nonstop working (working at least 40 plus hrs just this week

Readers, Hey everyone I hope you're doing good. On my end, its getting closer and closer to not being able to get a class I need and secondly running out of time to realistically go test out of this damned business calculus class! As I have written previously, I have taken this class more then six times at this point. I tried it at CWI several different times even and still was not successful. A deal was brokered, I'd do it on Khan Academy and go test out of it (essentially only because I had taken it so many times and clearly something wasn't working). My father encouraged me to pick it up and work my ass off on the math like he normally does, putting a boot in my ass...saying you got this...plus my girlfriend Ruth as always has been incredibly supportive. I had people offer to tutor me and help me out...but at the end of the day I was determined to go it alone. I have never considered myself prideful, but in this instance I clearly was. In this instance with math, I sai

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great with you. On my end, I am still trying to tackle this online math class which feels like it'll never get done. I am so close but not close enough. Today is ten years since I graduated high school in 2004 and started right up at Boise State. Which of course lends itself to some reflecting on what I have accomplished, what's happened to me and just how far I have really come. I've been through what feels like a hell of a lot of bad relationships but thankfully seem to no doubt have found the one. We've now been together for four months and I have no doubt we will be together much longer! Its the school thing and not completing it that's killing me though. I look around me and am friends with a lot of people who I went to high school with and they've graduated and have great jobs. Here I am going on almost two years working in retail at Gordmans. Don't get me wrong, I like it, but I am a cashier though. Interv

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great on your end. On my end, I've been busy somewhat enjoying this summer spending a hell of a lot of time with my girlfriend Ruth, went and saw the band One Republic with my friend Jordan, went to music fest (which turned out awesome aside from sky blue and the fact that they cranked up the bass too much), went to Mayhem Fest a couple of days ago with Ruth and that was awesome! Suffice to say I got to see the band Mushroomhead in concert, Korn, Ice T and body count (which is an awesome kinda metal rock band, check them out), Avenged Sevenfold and the Texas Hippie Coalition. This summer hasn't been the most exciting summer though because I've had this math class sort of hanging around my neck like a noose of sorts. Its painful because I am so damned close I can feel myself succeeding but there is still that part of me that also sees failure at the end of the tunnel. Its hard as hell not keeping that breathing monster at bay...f

Readers, Hey everyone. I hope all is going great with you. Right now its 4:47 and its the 25 of June. I have till part of August to knock out my calculus (via Khan Academy). Reality is I am close but not close enough. As I am nearing these more difficult concepts I feel like I am slamming my head against a fucking brick wall...its like fucking hell I have taken this class more than six times this should be easy as hell! But here I am flailing around in the dark...right now I don't know if I can do this...hell if I can't do this...that's it all these years at Boise State are literally for goddamned nothing. Right now I feel like the worlds biggest failure. Trying to use this to hopefully just clear my head and feel better but its not really working though...just getting more fired up! Right now I just want to capitalize the word FUCK (over and over again) till this screen is filled with them and nothing else fits. Right now I want to get into a car and get the hell out of

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great with you. Last night, I was cuddled up with my girlfriend Ruth and we're almost off to dreamland. When it surfaced. I'd personally dealt with it, or at least I thought I had. Hell I went through it and put away inside a box. My brother mike was home what else was there for me to worry about. I hope to hell he is going to get better. Because there is apart of me that wishes I could go back to a few days ago. My brother Mike and I took an trip to Mcall this past weekend and we're supposed to go get some work done on the cabin. The stairs are starting to fall apart so my brothers went up previously and took them apart. Hell we listened to some older The Offspring and even stopped for some pizza at the toll station pizza place and everything was going great! That's the thing, reality is an fucking bitch, reality is chaos is just around the corner. This chaos came in my brother trying to move the trailer filled with lumber an

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great with you. I was looking at the calender this morning and it hit me. Tomorrow Ruth and I will be together exactly three months. In the past, I've been told there is that honeymoon period in which you will feel like a little kid, the butterflies and everything and than it will gradually just stop. But of course that never meant you didn't still love the person. But with her, I still get literal butterflies and day in and day out she makes me feel like a little kid. I know counting three months as a landmark sounds well insane, but with us its different she truly is incredibly loving and incredibly supportive. We have so much in common and what we may or my not have in common we still get behind one another in that shared passion or love for something. Yes, here I go gushing again. But I ask myself constantly how did I get so lucky? She responds with, "Because you were yourself". I was myself because she was herself and I

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your worlds. On my end, its actually going really good. I wrapped up this semester with an C in both finance and Supply Chain Management. I passed both classes and in many ways I really do have Ruth to thank for being there to support me throughout the whole ordeal. Previous semesters, I'd have shut down and done something other than school but she really in a lot of ways helped me keep my nose to the grindstone. I studied, studied and studied. When at last it rolled around for me to go take my exams I was so damned nervous and thought for sure due to how I've done in the past that I would fall incredibly short! But, no I did it. At this point, I have to dispute my gpa and the number of credits at Boise State. But other than that I literally have four more classes left and I will nab an fucking bacholers in business administration and one in human resources. Excuse the f word but it still kind of feels like I am walking throu

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great with you. On my end, I am sitting here watching the rain fall outside and having an incredibly hard time kicking my ass into gear. Its insane, to be perfectly honest because I am so close to being done with this semester...yes I have to study harder for my finance class but doing well in both classes is fucking possible though. But there is that little voice in my head that is saying, "Dude just play some candy crush or something. Because you will fuck this up big time bucko". I know you're supposed to think positive. But as you know these past several semesters have been rough as hell for me. The hardest thing is I am so close to graduating its not even funny. Literally, I have to knock out my calculus (via khan academy), then I can go test out of that at the College of Western Idaho. Then after that I have just three more classes and I will graduate with an dual bachelors in business and and in human resources. As I wr

Readers, Hey everyone I hope all is going great in your worlds. On my end, life has been incredibly busy in between working some and diving head over heels into school. I knocked out my retirement project, I knocked out the quiz for the goal, and I knocked out my stock market project (several huge things all done). One by one, I've been turning those things in and thankfully just submitted my retirement project and also my quiz which I have no doubt I will do great on both. Today, I met with my teacher for Supply Chain Management. At this point, even if I get a 57 percent on my final exam which I have done a lot better on my other ones I will get an C in class. Got the results back on a test I took in finance and it was brutal, but on the plus side I still have a solid C. I have no doubt I will get the full 100 pts on both projects. Right now overall with regard to school I am sitting pretty After that this summer, I am planning to get calculus knocked out the rest of the way a

Readers, Hey everyone hope alls going great. Thank you to those whom have actually been continuing to follow this even though the background was kinda crazy. I decided after how many blogs I have written to reward you guys with a simplifier format. Its simple yet I still think looks pretty slick though. Now you can read through my blog without having to take a break to forgo the massive amount of motion sickness of whatever the hell you're conflicted with. I have certainly noticed the massive amount of views as well so thank you very much. Its interesting when I started writing this as it got more personal...I wrote this for myself. Then I got daring and decided to share my thoughts and before long everyone was wanting to read it. Personally, I can't thank all of you enough for sticking with me through my trials and tribulations, joys, adventures and hardships. Hell I can't believe I have now been writing this thing for as long as I have. In all honesty, I truly do hope