Inside The Mind Of A Writer

Readers: Hey everybody. I know another blog? Crazzzyyy!!! Considering I usually break this stuff up more but oh well this is a place to clear my head of all the things rushing through it. Of course in doing so I hope I make you all realize that there is nothing wrong with clearing your own heads and maybe I have inspired a few of you to start your own blog or just let it all out with a close friend so it doesn't drive you batty at the end. In my life right now I am at a point where I am realizing that I am feeling lonely due to the fact that around this time actually Christmas Eve to be exact I had somebody. That somebody was Trisha. Of course in ways I've moved forward and am okay though of course to say she doesn't cross my mind from time to time would be a bold faced lie. Still even now it feels like just yesterday her and I started and than we ended in an epic train crash *smiles* Life was rough during those times but I am better for it and have survived I am here t

Readers: Hey everybody I know its been more than a week at least since my last blog. Figured i'd hop on here and let you all know yes I am alive I was not abducted by aliens as a Christmas present nor was I sucked into the evil land of Skyrium ie elder scrolls the new game. Life's been well more relaxing in ways and id say its also looking up in other ways. The last thing I wrote about was the bad date with Bobbie since than we went out to the Botanical Gardens again and went to Garden A Glow which was awesome except we went as friends which actually I am fine with. It was great spending time with her and her daughter. Then we followed that up by us going to the movies and seeing the movie Tin Tin (which she didn't care as much for but apparently had a great time) and really liked her present of a lord of the rings collectors pez set which rocked. For me the best part of the night was seeing the look on her face. I know everyone is dying to know what the status of our

Readers: Hey everybody its been quite a while since I have written one of these. I hope all is well in your world's. As I wrote about in my last blog about the two weeks being hell week. Well it nicely claimed its name with bravado and like a little shit stain with a magnifyine glass he's burning up any ants he can lay his hands on either that or like a woman who discovered the last Twilight movie was cancelled (which of course didn't happen though if it had there would be chaos). Currently listening to Love, Hate Sex Pain by Godsmack while writing this up. Its just been that kind of past week where it feels like shit hit the fan not in that good way either. First there was the date with this cute girl named Bobbie. To be honest I know I like her quite a bit we seem to click and hit it off perfectly and it feels like like with you readers out there that I can share everything and anything and you don't look at me like I have fifteen screw's lose inside my brain.

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is well with everyone. Its interesting I had a great past week and now I am coming to realize how close to the end of the semester it is now. This next week is the notorious Dead Week. No, its not because the zombie apocoalypse comes to play you'll have to wait a tad bit longer to break out that combat shotgun, the frag gernades, and keep consulting that guide to killing zombies book because god only knows eventually it will come to pass. Now in all seriousness its the crazy week before finals. Da Da Dun!!!!!!!!!!!! These next two weeks are going to be hell. Hitting the books harderer than usual and just killing things up until I am done with things which my last final is not this next week but the week after on Thursday. My other finals are on Tuesday. That's going to be a packed Tuesday and only wish I could be done sooner rather than later. Its tough though sticking to it considering I know christmas break is so close. Christmas lights

Readers: Hey everybody I know its been more than a week since I have last written a new one of these. I hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving and ate all kinds of good grub. Yesterday I officially turned 27 years old. One day older and right around this time I have been kinda blah but I think that is also because right around this time I had somebody and what not *smiles taking a deep breathe* It will work itself out for now I am golden. Can't believe it have this week of school. The next week is the legendary dead week and lastly finals week. Schools really washing to a close and I think as a whole i'd maybe feel better if I knew for sure I was going to pass all my classes here. Overall I got a good feeling most importantly with the evils of math which I am sure I finally will tackle pre calculus and move onto Calculus which apparently will no doubt be even more of a bitch. Overall I had an awesome thanksgiving break ie got a week off from school and I read a ton of

Readers: Hey everybody I hope things are well in your world's. I am doing good hanging in there school's keeping me incredibly busy as I have been writing. Knocked out my paper for Interviewing class (feels great) just have to go through it for grammatical errors and send it out. I also knocked out my notes for my presentation for my Commercial law class. Thinking right now there is a very good chance I got a C on my math test please guys say those prayers or whatever you do for me much appreciated. One more weekish and its my birthday. Can't believe it i'll be 27 years old coming up here on the 28th of November. So glad to say that I survived through all that muckity muck. Depression was there full force but I am glad to say I didn't let it win. Eventually kicked it to the curb though its there sometimes in small doses kind of lonely from time to time. Though what I have come to realize is that I really need to further find myself before I invest anything serio

Readers: Hey everybody I hope all is well in your world's. As the days get shorter and my birthday comes upon me I am wanting more than anything once again to find that special somebody to share everything with. Its funny I think i'd ask for that special present like that last Christmas poem I wrote last year but god only knows what that god me. It got me Trisha and a ton of other pain and agony and a ton of depression which shut my world down. Literally brought it all to a screeching halt. I find myself at a crossroads though of sorts. The Crossroads that says I am ready to risk it again. I am ready to truly get back out there again and find it. Though through all I have been through my self esteem hangs in the balance. Daily i'd say even it feels like I look at myself in the mirror and I wonder what do you see in me? What does anyone see in me? But gradually I am slipping past that and know eventually good things come to those who wait. My struggles currently will be

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is well in your world's. Wow another blog already? Didn't I just post a new one and yes you would be correct. Though a little bit of an update on things before I get too far ahead and am just writing from memory and it becomes a rambling journal of rambling horridness in which probably everyone tunes out and goes, "Dude I think he needs to stop drinking so much coffee" Just got back from eating pizza at the Pie Hole which is an awesome Pizza place not that far from Boise State with my friend Emily. It was a nice break from school which as I've written lately seems to truly have me by the throat. Knocked out my interview for Commercial Law i'll be presenting on that this next week that worked out incredibly well overall did that with the Chief of legal for Scentsy (for those that don't know I am certain everyone does they produce the wickless candles), obliterated my evil access assignment for as I have written about my

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is well in your world's. Since my last blog I am hanging in there that was Saturday today is Tuesday night just got home from working on a group project for business intelligence which I swear is still one of the most painfully boring classes as of yet that I have taken at boise state. Of course for the title of the blog and why on god's green earth I named it drum roll please because I have no doubt my readers are all probably wondering what did I do for Halloween. I went to Good wood Barbaque and got a pulled pork platter than came home and proceeded to partially pass out some candy to trick or treaters. In other words I had tons of fun went out and partied it up and got all dressed up hit up on the ladies. Mmm I wish no my Halloween like every year with school going on seems to be incredibly uneventful studying, studying and well more studying. This year for once in my life I did not even really watch a horror movie though I did catch som

Readers: Hey everybody I hope all is well in your world's. On my end just hitting the books and studying away have another commercial law test this coming next week (hope I actually do well this time) and I am also conducting my interview with Phil Broadbent with legal at Scentsy and lastly school wise conducting my interview with my professor for Interviewing class this will be a probing interview. As a whole mentally this video suits my mood perfectly because I am confused maybe even more so than usual. For the first time I am going to talk about a certain somebody name will not be mentioned. That person vanished from my life suddenly after we used to hang out all the time etc. We nevertheless had a ton of fun and and at the time and than due to a tiny thing that I did she went poof from my life. Well today she popped back into it came in the door of that Math Learning Center and poked me in the side and i'll be damned if I didn't probably proceed to smile like a fuck

Readers: Hey everyone hope all is well in your world's. I am hanging in there this past Friday I stayed at my brother Rob's house it was nice as always to catch up with him and my sister in law Andrea. I consider myself lucky to have such an awesome family whom are incredibly supportive of one another. One of these days I hope to find a love as real and as equal as my brother Robbie's and Andrea's. Friday night went to a Capital high school game because Andrea's sister plays in the band in high school so we saw her play a solo which was pretty neat than it was back home again where I watched Bad Teacher which overall was a very good movie i'd give it a solid four stars; it was good and funny though of course as far as comedy's go its going to be a while before in my mind anything can seriously take the cake on comedies in other words if you have not seen it check it out i'd even say go out and buy it but if nothing else get it from red box you will n

Readers:  Hey everyone I hope all is well in your world's. Third blog in a single week kind of crazy right? Nevertheless I think its finally time to talk about some things that are going on in my life.  First of all on the changes part my Grandma is moving to Idaho. At first when I heard about it I was kind of shocked to put it lightly and decided to avoid writing about it until I finally had all my thoughts together and had assessed how I felt about it all. I think it is truly great she is going to be moving here from Virginia. In fact my mom is headed out there to get her this next week so that will be exciting and they are driving cross country from va to here (talk about a trip they both won't soon forget).  Today she turns 87 years old and mind you yes my grandma is incredibly sharp still at 87 years old though she is realizing with medical issues that she can't really take care of herself, secondly it will be great to spend more time with her, thirdly there is a w

Readers: Sometimes in life a great moment occurs in a day that seriously you just wish would get over already and you could conk out and have tomorrow happen occur and you are amazed and startled and inside you cheer with every part of your being. As those whom have been following me since last April I took the break up with my ex Trisha fairly rough hell in fact very rough. But have been over her for a good long while now which rocks. So for the epicness that is today. Just was passing what is called the ILC and noticed my ex and her little sister walking towards me out of the corner of my eye considering I was partially busy talking to my friend Debbie whose in my interviewing class. Didn't honestly past her much attention in my brain aside from mentally cursing her I was just like okay whatever its cool. Well she must have noticed I was there and when she noticed I was there she literally grabbed her hand and sped walked past me. Hope you enjoyed this epic moment as much a

Readers: Hey I hope all is well in your world's i'd say I am doing better on my end just feels like school has me in a monumental choke hold. Current worry involves not passing all my classes as I come more to terms with the fact that it feels like I have now been at BSU forever and its time to *move on* so to speak. Get out there into the job's world and start making some substantial money. Hell I can't believe next week its time to register for classes yet again but I am not 100 percent sure this time on any of my classes which is quite scary! Sometimes I guess how that is how things play out nothing is ever certain 100 % in that big way like nothing else. Just had my second test for Commercial law and I am doubting i'll be getting that grade back tonight during my 6-9 class. I need to do an interview with two people for my class and another interview for my comm law class though its disconcerting still haven't heard anything back from Scentsy *crosses fin

Readers: Its been a few days since I wrote up my last blog and well I am squeezing in time to spend time with friends ie last time hung out with my friend Jordan and Kelsey we went to the corn maze. Yes it was lots of fun hanging out with them it always is but halfway through my mood eventually turned to loneliness. Espessically when I got home it settled in. Mind you throughout the maze trip I was making jokes right and left with sexual innuendos tossed throughout. Ultimately though I have realized what I really want is to find someone who loves me for me and isn't just in it for a sexual fix. The friends with benefits was a lot of fun don't get me wrong but I think I am truly ready for more. Its hard though when you don't see any kind of actual value in yourself anymore as a potential mate or more for somebody else as of late. Hell in fact as I wrote in the past the key is you have to love yourself and right now I don't think I love myself very much. I could count

Readers: Hey I hope everything is well in your world's. Yes, occasionally life as a college student as hectic as it is provides me with some time to enjoy myself. This enjoyment came in the form of going on a photography walk downtown boise with a really good friend of mine whom actually was a photographer while in the military. It was part of a national photo walk which was pretty slick for sure. I'll share several of my photos here and you can also check me out at  http://writer84.deviantart.com/  (its my deviant art page I have lots of my photography on there that I have taken recently). Here is another one: So there are two of many pictures I took that day if you care to see others check out my page. I also got to spend time with my brother Rob and my sister in law Andrea and my niece Taylor. Its always great spending time with family and of course my older brother mike and my other sis in law Jen. I am glad to have such awesome family that is something I am in

Readers: For one thing the Comics exhibit at the Art Museum was pretty awesome. It was a nice break from the hustle and bustle of school and getting to hang out with my new found friend Tiana. You know there are some people that you can kind of be yourself around. You laugh. You shoot the proverbial shit so to speak. You just feel comfortable being around and have a good time. And there are those people whom really in some way touch your life that is how it is for me with Tiana. Its truly refreshing when you meet somebody like that that you can be yourself and don't have too worry about anything; like they are whispering behind your back things like what a freak. No its just nice like today literally we hung out I ate some potato salad she made which was actually quite yummy and yes i am very picky about it usually either love it or hate it there is no two sides to the coin with that but it rocked!!! Overall we have hung out several times and she is both cute and tons of fun to

Readers: Yes I am the ultimate nerd I have a bunch of comic books in fact I recall when I used to go to the used book store called McKay used books in Alexandria Va maybe I am not for sure on that but either way used to get them for a quarter back then and these were your older comics too and in good condition. I have a whole bunch of old Batman comics, spider man, Xmen, some of your old Ninja Turtle ones today's excursion will be to the art museum for what sounds like the evolution of comics to graphic novels (ie a total nerd orgy) filled with ooooo's and awesss one can only say, "Let's get this shit on camera...." as you can tell overall I am in a great mood here in a bit headed to the art museum with my friend Tiana to check it out it should be pretty sweet for sure. Mm i will try to take photos we shall see how picky they are about that but no promises guys if i can i will take some and of course you all will get a update on how bitching it truly was. I

Readers: Life as of late seems to make little or no sense. Honestly it feels like I am simply playing a part in a play or a show that I know nothing about the rest of its just reading some lines and playing some character without knowing all the details. I'd give anything about now for a Sparks Note edition entitled "Chris's Life" so if you spy one in the store pick it out for me thanks. I guess not all life is bad its just a ton of unknowns which is troubling to put it lightly. The music video below is for my friend Mark's tunes he is quite the talented writer and even has a good voice which is a rare combination. I'd say he has a voice that borders on an older style Johnny Cash or a Kenny Rogers slightly folksy but good stuff all around. This one's called 21st Century Desperado. Another thing I have to pimp is the new Blink 182 Neighborhoods after the previous album I was expecting a shitty album because the previous one was that terrible but w

Hey readers,  I know crazy? On my end things are good I am sitting in my usual special study place in the Micron Simplot building here on the boise state campus. Feels like a giant weights been lifted off my shoulder with that test behind me considering it feels like as of late I have been doing nothing but drilling that commercial law material into my brain. Whew let's just hope that all that studying will pay off in the form of a very solid grade for class that would rock.  Got out of my math discussion group which seems to be utterly useless because they don't actually teach you anything its just doing a worksheet with a bunch of people that don't have a single clue what is going on. Okay not everyone doesn't have a clue but still its the blind leading the blind. Than met up with my friend William which was awesome it was great catching up and shooting the shit about movies, music and the stuff during our summers that occurred.  Tonight's another BSU g

Hey readers: I think part of that lyric is quite fitting these days as it feels like the time is literally slipping right into the future. Its literally mid September right now and in the stores I am seeing Halloween costumes and candy for trick or treaters. Mostly these days as I spoke about in my previous blog it feels like I am finding less and less time for myself which could be a bad or a good thing I guess depending upon the way you look at it. Mmm can't believe it come October than November I will be turning 27 years old that is something else that makes it feel like time is flying by. Its interesting how many of the things I recall now that say I mention or bring up and somebody else looks at me like huh and I want to scream really you don't know about that or know that band Another interesting thing is this past week I went downtown Boise with my friend John and my friend Travis neither of us really drank anything honestly we just sort of ended up hanging out try

Hey readers as I mentioned in my previous blog I had to cut somebody out of my life due to some circumstances that unfolded. That person that I had to cut out of my life was one of two women whom I mentioned in a previous blog this summer that touched my life in such a way that I felt profoundly changed by them being there. Needless to say I am not going into details here but I am sitting here just thinking the brain won't just turn off (i'd appreciate it mind you). Hell I feel hurt by what unfolded like nobodies business but didn't realize how much someone could mean to you until they are not there. Until there are no more casual texts/phone calls/picture messages sent back and forth like dorks. To say I would feel weak just out of the blue contacting her would be very true like I feed off something and I think that is the miraculous friendship that seemed to blossom between us like a whole garden full of flowers. If I had a crystal ball and could peer into it that wou

(song above click it while your reading this its a great tune anyways lol) Hey readers I know its been forever ago since I last posted a blog crazy right? And no doubt you are all glued to your screens thinking and wondering with baited breathe how Cheap Trick was and everything else in my somewhat exciting life lol The song Let The Good Times Roll by the band the cars is very fitting as i sit down to write this thing because it illustrates the thrills of tonight. In my life there have been very few people due to whatever was going on with them that I had to cut out of my life and Unfourtantly someone whom I will not name had to be cut out of mine. Because as many of you have read I have been through a ton since writing this and come back on top and not going to allow this mishap torpedo my schooling its not worth it at all. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breathe and tell yourself this will pass simple as that. Hell its hard cutting someone out of your life entirely bu

Normalcy that is what life has become as of late. So far my classes are going good but than again I have only been going to school for less than a week considering I started back on Monday and today is only now Thursday. Feels like just any other semester except I am single and truly content with my life right now like I have never been prior to this point. Hoping to grab this one last class that I am still on the waiting list for but short of that its all good and  not in that its all good shits hitting the fan but i am going to have a positive attitude because somehow that will stop the shit from hitting the fan and maybe at least limit the splatter effect. Tomorrow its off to the Western Idaho Fair to go see the band Cheap Trick play live. Yes, I know like myself many of you or many of you actually may know they recorded more than a few hits but I was only keen on one real song that one being "I need you" and of course it follows up the opening with, "I need you to

Hey my readers how goes it? As I wrote on August 7th things are looking up and they continue to do so. Overall i have learned several things about myself and continue to do so. The biggest thing of all is this I say I am burnt out on love and for once in my life its completely true. That needy part of me screams you need somebody Chris to be happy but the reality is very different from that! The truth of the matter is I do not need somebody to be happy. Eventually when I work myself out with all my kinks and figure out myself more and figure out what I want in life than i will pursue romance and love with a kind of wild drive like no other. Billy Madison reminds us that its time to go back to school. Next week its back to Boise State for me in a semester that I will rock. Right here you are seeing a resolve to really knock math out of the park and all my other classes as well. There will be no failing this semester i am going to put my one hundred and fifty thousand percent into

Life makes sense right now. It continues to keep making sense after it feels like I fought a huge war over the past months with myself to come out on top of it all. I can't begin to thank those people who kept me sane when I just wanted to shut the world out and close all the curtains. Currently listening to the new Trace Atkins cd it is pretty good so far (check it out) and relaxing. Mmm where has this summer gone? It feels like just yesterday I started up at summer school and than here I am about to start back up with another semester at bsu and for once i am not worried about a thing. Over this summer I have come to find more than love; I've found myself again learned that I am pretty damn awesome myself. This is fairly shortish but needless to say I had a wonderful weekend though and actually look forward to starting back up with classes. Its kind of funny how I have glanced back at Trisha's profile and pretty much honestly don't know what I ever saw in her honest

Hey what's up everybody? As I wrote in my previous blog life is going incredibly good on my end. Still more or less on a relationship hiatus though two wonderful friends have come into my life at what feels like the perfectly right moment! Going to take a moment here to talk about the two of them which just out of kindness to them both I will not list them by name because they have children and would not want to put them in danger or anything like that because I am sure there are some odd ones out there. Without further ado i'd like to thank Margie and Vicky; two wonderful women whom over the past two months at least have helped me to see that I matter. For me letting someone into my world takes quite a bit considering what I have been through yet I trust them both completely. Hope I've helped them as much as they have helped me to feel like I belong in this wild and crazy world! Thanking them doesn't begin to do it justice they have thoroughly helped. The kind of peo

Wow its been practically exactly a month since I wrote my last blog on here. For once in a good long while   I can truly say I am Happy! Ecstatic! Feel like nothing can bring me down and looking back on all of that with Trisha well it was fun and eh it didn't last that is sometimes how life works. At this point in my life I am at a kind of crossroads in things pertaining to looking for a job, on the verge of in a month starting back up at Boise State for another semester (hoping i get all the classes I want that would rock). Can I say for sure where I will be a year from now? No, I can't at all and for once in my life I am seriously okay with the inability to control everything around me. Currently I am full of content with the world around me. Just this past week went to Mayhem Fest which rocked. Godsmack was incredible live and Sully Erna dedicated the song The Enemy to those Navy Seals whom killed Osama Bin Laden which I thought was very cool. Disturbed was great to boot,

Hey everyone I hope all is well with you. Its about 7:58 and on Tuesday here I have my second exam in biology. Here is to hoping all the solid studying is really going to pay off in a big way for this test. So far I am thoroughly enjoying my biology class though it goes incredibly fast and toss that in there with the biology lab as well to boot. Of course both are a repeat so its not quite as thrilling persay but i feel like i am understanding everything alot more which is very nice. Got all my stuff back and genuinely for the first time in a long time I literally feel happy; a kind of happiness I don't think i have known existed for a long time. Though in the relationship world and interest world I am in absolutely no rush to throw myself back onto the said horse. Clearly after those several months of being so low that at times I considered kissing the world good bye (don't worry i have dealt with my issues of suicide) and realize that there is nothing worth killing myself o

Its going on 1:04 in the morning and like a kind of irony its now crystal clear Trisha moved on in a big way. Several months after her and I were finished she has found someone else lol A kind of funny he he comes to mind as we joked before we posted it on facebook, "ooo its official they are dating on facebook" but of course I guess i shouldn't expect any less from her though its how it goes sometimes clearly and not everything is in your control or hands or whatever. That's that I guess as I sit here and contemplate and wonder why I ever felt any sort of emotions for her at all? Furthermore wondering if the four-five months were even anything real. Considering how quickly she moved on just like that. Oh well those are answers better left unanswered. At this point I just really want my stuff back and really don't want anything to do with her at all after everything oils itself out. In the real world I just started up at summer school biology and so far that s

I just realized how long its been since I have written a solid blog. Of course my blogs have wandered back and forth with dealing with the pain of moving on. Some days its incredibly easy and other days I am confronted with flash backs ala little snipets of memories like an out of control freight train. But in the long run though I know those flash backs serve a purpose though. They serve a purpose to remind me of what I do not want later on in my life School wise finishing up I passed two out of five classes which isn't the best thing in the world. In fact i'd go so far as to say I am not too terribly proud of that. But as I have been reminded by friends it comes with the territory. Honestly I cannot begin to thank my close friends enough Pikachu (her actual name i will keep secret for her sake) my friend John, my friend Randy and many others. They have been major life savers and of course there are many more as well. On June 8th I am going to be starting up at summer scho

Hey guys...so its all officially over! Kind of surreal still how it all ended. Considering for those that read this how much we did an exploring of whats inside my head. How I spoke of wanting to salvage things but ultimately I realized saving things had to be a two way street. It was either we both wanted to save things or it just wasn't going to work at all. Now mind you she said last night, "Chris i was going to have Friday's off...we could spend more time together and rekindle the spark if it exists..casually date"  For me though I realized in a big way if someone cares about you alot and they know you are going through hell and back for half a month and they tell you that is not there fault....even though breaking up with you was the cause of all that...that person doesn't apologize or anything etc that is somewhat the straw that broke the camels back in a huge way. Before that it was learning the previous week that she had already hooked up with a friend

Hey everybody I know its been a long time since i have written a blog. Overall in my world I am leaning more and more towards the reality of accepting that Trisha and I are through in a big way. Coming up on May 17th supposed to do her birthday with her ala go to the movies to see the movie Thor and second of all grab some grub. Going to do that for sure but right now avoiding talking to her like the plague because I feel so duped right now its not even funny Literally we were done for almost four months. Then I find out she has essentially already moved on and has a friend with benefits with this guy named Ben whom she has been spending an inordinate amount of time with after work playing video games, D&D etc but the fact is they have been spending alot of time together though. Which of course is fine they can spend time together but wow....only four months and she is already fucking some other guy! Truly cannot help but feel duped...like an idiot...you name the words but they a

Last night was texting back and forth with Trisha and essentially she admitted that she never really let me in because she has never done so either because all those people in her life have let her down in a big way. So in reality it didn't matter what I did in the long run once we started getting close like she did she was going to freak. With that said she did freak in fact broke it off with me and furthermore with that said began to try to distance herself from me as well...saying hurtful things etc. But what I think she is not quite used to is the idea that I am not going away?!?!? Hell I could just throw in the towel and move on. God only knows that would make all of this stuff alot easier. I wouldn't be questioning my instincts so much and whether what I am feeling inside is genuine. Were going to do the birthday thing together because she wants to, second of all i asked her if she just wanted to skip my brother's wedding and she didn't really give a definite ye

Today talked to Jodi (a girl I have liked off and on for alot of years she popped on facebook randomly). Instantly all the mental tiredness seemed to seep out of me as my heart fluttered revived and anew. A while back I spoke about making that move to Canada because in reality that is probably the only way this could solidly work because that is where she lives unless I actually just traveled back and forth But another realization something I don't want to admit at all to myself. Is that as frustrated as I am with Trisha's indecisiveness the fact that I am not willing to really take those extra steps to boot her from my life fully screams loud and clear that apart of me still really likes her alot. Deep down I wish i had a time machine and could turn back the clock and go back and give this a whirl see if there is really something to us. Because at 4 months it feels like we were just getting started....its hard though because part of me also wants to exchange our stuff and sh

Good morning everyone. As many of you know I am truly working to move forward. Second of all trying to keep things civil. Last night though may have been the straw that broke the camels back though. That straw being when I was gathering her things together. I came across a pocket watch that she gave me as a gift on Christmas because it looked antiqueish with the words, "Chris i wanted to get a more meaningful gift for you..." Its funny how you think you have moved on. Your doing fine and i was putting everything together but when i found that watch it was just a painful reminder of a relationship that never will be. A solid reminder of the four seemingly happiest months of my life in a good long while actually. So yes I wanted to give it back to her but she essentially first called me a dick! Not listening to my reasoning at all for wanting to do so that it hurt. When i called back she told me fuck you!?!!!??? Damn what on god's green earth do you say to that? I was d

Since my last post essentially spoke to Trisha and she said, "I am not sexually attracted to you" (that was like a major kablam) and furthermore apparently she has been spending more and more time with this guy named Ben (she says she is liking him) but at the same time she says she is going to take her time and move along slowly At the end of the day of all of this! I want to be able to say I am fairing oh so well. But in all honesty I am miserable to a T. In reality what I would like is that we can stick together and make it work. Because there is still an insane part of me that screams huh we had something strong for a good four months to be exact and it can't just die like this?!!!???? As it currently stands I am going to make an honest to god effort to really move forward. Really keep my chin up. Really better myself as a person within the next couple of months. Focus on my writing, working out, spending time with friends, taking more pictures overall with an inv