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Can't help but feel like I cut someone important out of my life

Hey readers as I mentioned in my previous blog I had to cut somebody out of my life due to some circumstances that unfolded. That person that I had to cut out of my life was one of two women whom I mentioned in a previous blog this summer that touched my life in such a way that I felt profoundly changed by them being there. Needless to say I am not going into details here but I am sitting here just thinking the brain won't just turn off (i'd appreciate it mind you).

Hell I feel hurt by what unfolded like nobodies business but didn't realize how much someone could mean to you until they are not there. Until there are no more casual texts/phone calls/picture messages sent back and forth like dorks. To say I would feel weak just out of the blue contacting her would be very true like I feed off something and I think that is the miraculous friendship that seemed to blossom between us like a whole garden full of flowers. If I had a crystal ball and could peer into it that would be great and see what kind of outcome come come from recontacting her that would be even more spectacular but I just don't. 

Other stuff in my life leaves me contemplating am I truly a solid catch for somebody out there? Mmm hell I would like to think so and that person whom I cut out of my life once said to me, "Chris you have it in you. You'll always be that hopeless romantic" right now I am not too terribly sure it seems like I am far too busy with school for much in the way of fun anymore which has me kind of bummed to put it lightly. 

Apparently for once in my life I am at a loss describing what exactly is going on in my head currently. Maybe its a sense of needing to belong, missing a dear friend, wishing I had somebody (saw so many happy couples today and I am just like grr I want that partially but don't want to get fucked over again royally)

Well for now that's it nothing much else on my end really just school, school and more school oh and wandering thoughts and missing a dear friend. Hope your thoughts are clearer than mine wherever you may be and I'll catch ya on the flip side so to speak   

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