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My own worst enemy sometimes. But snapped out of it halfway through

Readers,

Hey everyone I hope all is going great with you. On my end, I am sitting here watching the rain fall outside and having an incredibly hard time kicking my ass into gear. Its insane, to be perfectly honest because I am so close to being done with this semester...yes I have to study harder for my finance class but doing well in both classes is fucking possible though. But there is that little voice in my head that is saying, "Dude just play some candy crush or something. Because you will fuck this up big time bucko". I know you're supposed to think positive. But as you know these past several semesters have been rough as hell for me. The hardest thing is I am so close to graduating its not even funny.

Literally, I have to knock out my calculus (via khan academy), then I can go test out of that at the College of Western Idaho. Then after that I have just three more classes and I will graduate with an dual bachelors in business and and in human resources. As I wrote in my last entry its so damn close I can smell it. Literally, though I am my own worst goddamn enemy. Its like I am an gremlin that sits on my shoulder and reminds me of the past failures just as I get started working hard on my school work. Really don't know the point of this entry, I think its just to be able to get these things out of my head so I can really focus on my school work.
Yes, I know finishing strong in both finance and in supply chain management is very possible. Hell I will probably end up with a C in both but I will be done with them though.

In the love department, life is really going great! In the past, I thought I am in love right now. But no being in love is being entirely comfortable being you with an special someone. Being with someone who truly loves you for everything that you're. Someone whose content just hanging out with you while you work hard on your school work. Someone whose willing to stand in line and get you comics on comic book day just because she enjoys seeing you geek out or "squee". Ruth is entirely that someone. Literally I just texted back and forth about what I was feeling. Just hearing her say she had faith in me and believed in me took me out of this mental funk. Wednesday, the day the take these two finals we will have been dating for a month but with her I feel like her and I have been dating forever. I know its important not to rely on someone else for your happiness and to believe in yourself sometimes but its okay to lean on someone else as well. That's one of the hardest things for me to accept sometimes but she has really shown me that its okay to do that. Shown me that sometimes when the shit hits the storm mentally she is there for me  

So this is it! I work some tomorrow but other than that time I am working I will be focused on studying this material. I am going to get solid grades in both of my classes. Mm and looks like I may actually right now be saving up to get the next tier camera because as much as instant gratification is beautiful...it would be even nicer to buy the d7100, all I will need is just 700 more dollars. The camera will last me even longer and in the end be a lot more worth while.

Well guys back to hitting those books. From here on out as well I have my study music going which is pure classical music on spotify. Literally if you're going to pay for anything I'd pay for a subscription to spotify because it works incredibly well and has everything! Most if not all the artists have their music available right away for you to indulge in. The app works well on your phone most anywhere. If you're in a place with no internet connection you can download your play lists. I'll catch ya on the flip side

ps: Thank you so much ruth, I know I have been kinda crazy during these finals and stressed as hell

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