Inside The Mind Of A Writer

Hey everyone I hope all is well with you. Its about 7:58 and on Tuesday here I have my second exam in biology. Here is to hoping all the solid studying is really going to pay off in a big way for this test. So far I am thoroughly enjoying my biology class though it goes incredibly fast and toss that in there with the biology lab as well to boot. Of course both are a repeat so its not quite as thrilling persay but i feel like i am understanding everything alot more which is very nice. Got all my stuff back and genuinely for the first time in a long time I literally feel happy; a kind of happiness I don't think i have known existed for a long time. Though in the relationship world and interest world I am in absolutely no rush to throw myself back onto the said horse. Clearly after those several months of being so low that at times I considered kissing the world good bye (don't worry i have dealt with my issues of suicide) and realize that there is nothing worth killing myself ...

Its going on 1:04 in the morning and like a kind of irony its now crystal clear Trisha moved on in a big way. Several months after her and I were finished she has found someone else lol A kind of funny he he comes to mind as we joked before we posted it on facebook, "ooo its official they are dating on facebook" but of course I guess i shouldn't expect any less from her though its how it goes sometimes clearly and not everything is in your control or hands or whatever. That's that I guess as I sit here and contemplate and wonder why I ever felt any sort of emotions for her at all? Furthermore wondering if the four-five months were even anything real. Considering how quickly she moved on just like that. Oh well those are answers better left unanswered. At this point I just really want my stuff back and really don't want anything to do with her at all after everything oils itself out. In the real world I just started up at summer school biology and so far that s...

I just realized how long its been since I have written a solid blog. Of course my blogs have wandered back and forth with dealing with the pain of moving on. Some days its incredibly easy and other days I am confronted with flash backs ala little snipets of memories like an out of control freight train. But in the long run though I know those flash backs serve a purpose though. They serve a purpose to remind me of what I do not want later on in my life School wise finishing up I passed two out of five classes which isn't the best thing in the world. In fact i'd go so far as to say I am not too terribly proud of that. But as I have been reminded by friends it comes with the territory. Honestly I cannot begin to thank my close friends enough Pikachu (her actual name i will keep secret for her sake) my friend John, my friend Randy and many others. They have been major life savers and of course there are many more as well. On June 8th I am going to be starting up at summer scho...

Hey guys...so its all officially over! Kind of surreal still how it all ended. Considering for those that read this how much we did an exploring of whats inside my head. How I spoke of wanting to salvage things but ultimately I realized saving things had to be a two way street. It was either we both wanted to save things or it just wasn't going to work at all. Now mind you she said last night, "Chris i was going to have Friday's off...we could spend more time together and rekindle the spark if it exists..casually date"  For me though I realized in a big way if someone cares about you alot and they know you are going through hell and back for half a month and they tell you that is not there fault....even though breaking up with you was the cause of all that...that person doesn't apologize or anything etc that is somewhat the straw that broke the camels back in a huge way. Before that it was learning the previous week that she had already hooked up with a friend...

Hey everybody I know its been a long time since i have written a blog. Overall in my world I am leaning more and more towards the reality of accepting that Trisha and I are through in a big way. Coming up on May 17th supposed to do her birthday with her ala go to the movies to see the movie Thor and second of all grab some grub. Going to do that for sure but right now avoiding talking to her like the plague because I feel so duped right now its not even funny Literally we were done for almost four months. Then I find out she has essentially already moved on and has a friend with benefits with this guy named Ben whom she has been spending an inordinate amount of time with after work playing video games, D&D etc but the fact is they have been spending alot of time together though. Which of course is fine they can spend time together but wow....only four months and she is already fucking some other guy! Truly cannot help but feel duped...like an idiot...you name the words but they a...

Last night was texting back and forth with Trisha and essentially she admitted that she never really let me in because she has never done so either because all those people in her life have let her down in a big way. So in reality it didn't matter what I did in the long run once we started getting close like she did she was going to freak. With that said she did freak in fact broke it off with me and furthermore with that said began to try to distance herself from me as well...saying hurtful things etc. But what I think she is not quite used to is the idea that I am not going away?!?!? Hell I could just throw in the towel and move on. God only knows that would make all of this stuff alot easier. I wouldn't be questioning my instincts so much and whether what I am feeling inside is genuine. Were going to do the birthday thing together because she wants to, second of all i asked her if she just wanted to skip my brother's wedding and she didn't really give a definite ye...

Today talked to Jodi (a girl I have liked off and on for alot of years she popped on facebook randomly). Instantly all the mental tiredness seemed to seep out of me as my heart fluttered revived and anew. A while back I spoke about making that move to Canada because in reality that is probably the only way this could solidly work because that is where she lives unless I actually just traveled back and forth But another realization something I don't want to admit at all to myself. Is that as frustrated as I am with Trisha's indecisiveness the fact that I am not willing to really take those extra steps to boot her from my life fully screams loud and clear that apart of me still really likes her alot. Deep down I wish i had a time machine and could turn back the clock and go back and give this a whirl see if there is really something to us. Because at 4 months it feels like we were just getting started....its hard though because part of me also wants to exchange our stuff and sh...