Start And Start Again. Uncertainty is sometimes the greatest equalizer, face it heads on and you'll find the root of everything

Readers,

Hey everyone I hope you're doing great. On my end, I am drinking my coffee and trying to kickstart my brain into gear; to no avail so far, I am not quite sure whether it was forcing myself to get up earlier everyday at that magic hour of 4 am that helped? Because usually when I woke up early in the morning I'd drink my coffee and tackle my schoolwork and feel like I'd accomplished something along the way. Yesterday, ultimately was productive but the first part of my day was useless. I set and reset my damn alarm several times and curled up back into bed with my love who still slept away content like a kitten

After the blood sweat and tears, I am finally in what can be my final semester at Boise State if I just apply myself constantly and kick the shit out of my business statistics 208 class and my business policies class (which I thought was going to be a walk in the park, but it involves formulas and mathy stuff, so part of my brain is screaming you're going to shit the bed junior it's inevitable). Those of you that know me, know I struggled with business calculus and ultimately came up short and got declared an official disability so I could move forward and was stuck taking and retaking Logic only to find out that my brain doesn't work that way...Nothing wrong with that, a great teacher of mine really instilled that into my mind, "Chris, so what you aren't great at math! You're great at other things and those things are what makes you a valuable person".

Until I started reading this, I knew deep down that the fact that Business Policies involved math partially had me scared but didn't realize it had me up against a wall with a shotgun to my face saying, "That's it bucko...one move and I will kill you". I know Business Statistics will be hard as hell, but nothing is impossible and I can beat it just like ultimately I can whoop the crap out of my business policies class. Then, in July I will take an Anthropology science class online about evolution which shouldn't be too difficult than I'll graduate in the summer. Feels strange writing that, I have been battling with school so long and falling flat on my face so to actually write that I am right there set to graduate feels amazing but at the same time part of me is afraid that by acknowledging that I am saying...Hey, this is what is going to happen...But Chris you're going to fail big time and the whole world is going to be stuck laughing their asses off at you

I got this though, I have incredibly supportive parents who have been there through it all and encouraged me when I needed encouraging and my father has been there to kick my ass into gear when its needed kicking into gear. Because at times god only knows, I wanted to do everything but work on school stuff and have fun like read an enjoyable book, watch a good show, and take photos. Of course I also have a gaggle of different friends to thank as well for being there for me through to set my head right when I was questioning me. And thank you to my love Ruth for being there to support me when I felt like I was failing and to encourage me saying, "I believe in you, I am not going anywhere". Many a times, she's just spent time at school being right there to encourage me and also help me study my material and also encourage me to take little breaks when I'd get lost in simply studying.

So I'll graduate, finding a solid job in my field may take a while but oh well I'll have a bachelors degree in general business with an emphasis in human resources from Boise State. From there the skies the limit career wise. The icing on the cake is that I will graduate from school and also follow that up by getting married in June to Ruth Clark, the love of my life; the person who helped me to believe in love again after I felt like it didn't exist anymore. There is no doubt that we all have that special someone out there, you just have to be willing to open up your heart to them

Minds cleared out, feeling more focused now to get ready to go to a dental appointment and then afterwards dedicate today to beating the snot out of school. I hope you guys are doing great, thank you for reading this. If you're just tuning in, this is raw because I started it to help me and help me sort out my thoughts, feelings, doubts, and joys. Hope this helps you, I'll catch ya on the flip side