Readers,
Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. I am sitting here in the ILC at Boise State after eating a dinner of left over spaghetti and while reading/almost finishing the newest John Grisham novel called Racketeer and it is a damn good book! I'd highly recommend you check it out. Its a strange thing reading e books considering I have always loved the feel of that new book in my hands but as I have read more and more novels on my computer in the e book format I have grown strangely enough to love it.
This past year has been rocky to put it lightly; one hell of an emotional roller coaster I am happy to say I am alive and survived but in ways I think that emotionally speaking I am not truly ready even if the opportunity was to present itself to truly put my whole being into a new relationship. Its a big thing to put all your trust into somebody else and see them all the time and than have that person ultimately be the one that screws with your head royally so much so that you question whom you're as a person? Ask you're self are you a decent human being? Hell for those of you whom have been following this you read my open post about my thoughts on the whole supposed baby and than ultimately it turning out to be nothing; just a fucking game of sorts. Only more recently did I finally block her number but that wasn't before she put me through psychological hell calling me and texting me constantly and of course under the circumstances I hate her and on some level I forgive her but I don't have a single nice thing to say to her. In the last response to her she even said, "Awe its funny how i text you and you freak out?"
Mm I am one year older big old 28 years old and are there some things I have learned? Mm i'd say be more cautious when it comes to the world of love. If there are people you truly care about like your family wait a while until you seriously introduce that potential significant other to your family because if they do finally meet them they really need to be the "one" not just a possibility. Secondly you don't need somebody else to be truly happy you can be happy on your own. Thirdly sometimes you may have wait a while if something is potentially good it will wander into that arena but don't push it. Fourthly at the end of the day those friends and family who stick by you no matter what fucking happens are the people that really matter everyone else isn't worth a single bit of time. Fifthly I am a good person and have a serious opportunity to be a solid photographer and make money at it I just need to hone my craft and keep working at it it isn't just going to roll into my hands. Sixthly school is tough but I can do this.
On some level I truly wish I could look into a giant crystal ball and see the future all laid out for me but I can't. Right now things between Sara and I are so to speak in a Mexican Standoff; its odd we talk all the time, she gives me butterflies, I smile when I see its her calling, I tell her literally everything under the sun, and lastly she knows I dig her but I also know right now she has a lot on her plate as well. Just for personal reasons here for her sake I have been asked to obviously respect her own background and not just lay it out here so I am not going to do it. Right now she is more or less emotionally unavailable for anything other than friends which kind of pains me to a degree because i've realized at least on some level I have fallen for her. We just mesh incredibly well together and I love hearing her laugh and I really love more than anything to be the reason she is smiling during the day. She's a true friend and who knows maybe down the road someone that could be more *shrugs* But I think right now it is for the best anyways considering the past year I have had with things.
This next week I am taking my final on Monday in stats and I am pretty sure I can pull a C in the class and secondly a C in calculus; which i am taking on wed; will good. I just seriously cannot wait to be done with my finals this week and most of last week I have spent down at school studying my ass off except for tonight its been kind of not entirely there considering obviously I have this other stuff on my brain. Having cleared it no doubt tomorrow I will be more effective and plan to stay down here till eight as well considering my weekend holds nothing too exciting I need to keep hitting the books hard and finish incredibly strong as well.
My cell phone which has been acting up is more or less on its last leg the mic right now is not really working so I can't wait to get a new one its been a long time coming and its been a good phone mind you but its old and needs to be retired. My friend Randy suggested I check out the show Mob Doctor and have gotten hooked its a great show for sure if you haven't seen it you should check it out for sure right now I am 5 episodes in and would no doubt be in further if I wasn't studying so much for finals.
Right now I am gonna cut this off here but needed to clear my head and everything this was a long time coming for sure. I'll catch ya on the flip side
Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. I am sitting here in the ILC at Boise State after eating a dinner of left over spaghetti and while reading/almost finishing the newest John Grisham novel called Racketeer and it is a damn good book! I'd highly recommend you check it out. Its a strange thing reading e books considering I have always loved the feel of that new book in my hands but as I have read more and more novels on my computer in the e book format I have grown strangely enough to love it.
This past year has been rocky to put it lightly; one hell of an emotional roller coaster I am happy to say I am alive and survived but in ways I think that emotionally speaking I am not truly ready even if the opportunity was to present itself to truly put my whole being into a new relationship. Its a big thing to put all your trust into somebody else and see them all the time and than have that person ultimately be the one that screws with your head royally so much so that you question whom you're as a person? Ask you're self are you a decent human being? Hell for those of you whom have been following this you read my open post about my thoughts on the whole supposed baby and than ultimately it turning out to be nothing; just a fucking game of sorts. Only more recently did I finally block her number but that wasn't before she put me through psychological hell calling me and texting me constantly and of course under the circumstances I hate her and on some level I forgive her but I don't have a single nice thing to say to her. In the last response to her she even said, "Awe its funny how i text you and you freak out?"
Mm I am one year older big old 28 years old and are there some things I have learned? Mm i'd say be more cautious when it comes to the world of love. If there are people you truly care about like your family wait a while until you seriously introduce that potential significant other to your family because if they do finally meet them they really need to be the "one" not just a possibility. Secondly you don't need somebody else to be truly happy you can be happy on your own. Thirdly sometimes you may have wait a while if something is potentially good it will wander into that arena but don't push it. Fourthly at the end of the day those friends and family who stick by you no matter what fucking happens are the people that really matter everyone else isn't worth a single bit of time. Fifthly I am a good person and have a serious opportunity to be a solid photographer and make money at it I just need to hone my craft and keep working at it it isn't just going to roll into my hands. Sixthly school is tough but I can do this.
On some level I truly wish I could look into a giant crystal ball and see the future all laid out for me but I can't. Right now things between Sara and I are so to speak in a Mexican Standoff; its odd we talk all the time, she gives me butterflies, I smile when I see its her calling, I tell her literally everything under the sun, and lastly she knows I dig her but I also know right now she has a lot on her plate as well. Just for personal reasons here for her sake I have been asked to obviously respect her own background and not just lay it out here so I am not going to do it. Right now she is more or less emotionally unavailable for anything other than friends which kind of pains me to a degree because i've realized at least on some level I have fallen for her. We just mesh incredibly well together and I love hearing her laugh and I really love more than anything to be the reason she is smiling during the day. She's a true friend and who knows maybe down the road someone that could be more *shrugs* But I think right now it is for the best anyways considering the past year I have had with things.
This next week I am taking my final on Monday in stats and I am pretty sure I can pull a C in the class and secondly a C in calculus; which i am taking on wed; will good. I just seriously cannot wait to be done with my finals this week and most of last week I have spent down at school studying my ass off except for tonight its been kind of not entirely there considering obviously I have this other stuff on my brain. Having cleared it no doubt tomorrow I will be more effective and plan to stay down here till eight as well considering my weekend holds nothing too exciting I need to keep hitting the books hard and finish incredibly strong as well.
My cell phone which has been acting up is more or less on its last leg the mic right now is not really working so I can't wait to get a new one its been a long time coming and its been a good phone mind you but its old and needs to be retired. My friend Randy suggested I check out the show Mob Doctor and have gotten hooked its a great show for sure if you haven't seen it you should check it out for sure right now I am 5 episodes in and would no doubt be in further if I wasn't studying so much for finals.
Right now I am gonna cut this off here but needed to clear my head and everything this was a long time coming for sure. I'll catch ya on the flip side
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