Skip to main content

Can't help but feel like I cut someone important out of my life

Hey readers as I mentioned in my previous blog I had to cut somebody out of my life due to some circumstances that unfolded. That person that I had to cut out of my life was one of two women whom I mentioned in a previous blog this summer that touched my life in such a way that I felt profoundly changed by them being there. Needless to say I am not going into details here but I am sitting here just thinking the brain won't just turn off (i'd appreciate it mind you).

Hell I feel hurt by what unfolded like nobodies business but didn't realize how much someone could mean to you until they are not there. Until there are no more casual texts/phone calls/picture messages sent back and forth like dorks. To say I would feel weak just out of the blue contacting her would be very true like I feed off something and I think that is the miraculous friendship that seemed to blossom between us like a whole garden full of flowers. If I had a crystal ball and could peer into it that would be great and see what kind of outcome come come from recontacting her that would be even more spectacular but I just don't. 

Other stuff in my life leaves me contemplating am I truly a solid catch for somebody out there? Mmm hell I would like to think so and that person whom I cut out of my life once said to me, "Chris you have it in you. You'll always be that hopeless romantic" right now I am not too terribly sure it seems like I am far too busy with school for much in the way of fun anymore which has me kind of bummed to put it lightly. 

Apparently for once in my life I am at a loss describing what exactly is going on in my head currently. Maybe its a sense of needing to belong, missing a dear friend, wishing I had somebody (saw so many happy couples today and I am just like grr I want that partially but don't want to get fucked over again royally)

Well for now that's it nothing much else on my end really just school, school and more school oh and wandering thoughts and missing a dear friend. Hope your thoughts are clearer than mine wherever you may be and I'll catch ya on the flip side so to speak   

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Don't over think things (repeat)

Hey readers,  I know crazy? On my end things are good I am sitting in my usual special study place in the Micron Simplot building here on the boise state campus. Feels like a giant weights been lifted off my shoulder with that test behind me considering it feels like as of late I have been doing nothing but drilling that commercial law material into my brain. Whew let's just hope that all that studying will pay off in the form of a very solid grade for class that would rock.  Got out of my math discussion group which seems to be utterly useless because they don't actually teach you anything its just doing a worksheet with a bunch of people that don't have a single clue what is going on. Okay not everyone doesn't have a clue but still its the blind leading the blind. Than met up with my friend William which was awesome it was great catching up and shooting the shit about movies, music and the stuff during our summers that occurred.  Tonight's another BSU g...
Post a Comment
Read more

Can I?

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. On my end I am full of wonder and doubt which I know isn't exactly the grounds for a job well done but there you go? I am on the cusp right now of starting Math 160 and taking it during the summer. During the regular semester it annihilated me entirely. Feels like I am so close to graduating yet so far away from it all. Right now if anything felt so unobtainable it is truly now more than ever. My mind is plagued with thoughts of failing, thoughts of not graduating, thoughts of not getting a great job, thoughts of the end of a relationship in the blink of an eye. Success in school, success in a job, solid money coming in all of these different things I know will enable me to live life to its fullest. Fullest being the ability to go out there and enjoy vacations, keep this relationship going solidly with Jolene and really be happy mentally knowing that I succeeded with school. My brothers are married an...
Post a Comment
Read more

Introspection time and a good song

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all's well on your end of things. Today I am feeling "off" and not exactly sure why that is the frustrating thing. One of those off feelings where the drive to seriously tackle anything is more or less grounded. I mean earlier got here about 8:40 and literally messed around on face book instead of getting on math or studying political science. Part of it I think is the acceptance that I've worked my ass off in business statistics and literally I think there is no way that I am going to pass it even if pigs learn to fly and all the sky for a day rains mountain dew (two impossibilities). Thank god my digital camera where I left it on the bus was still there *brushes brow* I think a big part of things is the fact that I haven't heard back from Walmart about when the interviews will be done so as many of you know the getting a job; even more so an internship because that will help me when I graduate from Boise State in the long run. Pa...
Post a Comment
Read more