"There's just so much goddamn weight on my shoulders...wear a smile on my face but I've got a demon inside"
Readers,
Hey everyone as I write this I am giving the single Jekyll and Hyde by Five Finger Death Punch and right now it feels so fitting. In my life, not to say things have taken a sudden downward spiral. Things with the love of my life are still going beyond well (Ruth is a life saver and as are many of my friends for helping me through the stresses of life). When there is a part of me that wants to dig a deep hole and hide till the world ends then come up for any semblance of air
I have a great job that I love that is sometimes frustrating but that comes with working in retail and sometimes dealing with the general public; you have the bad apples but then you have some awesome people whom over the past two months and a half have become some great regulars. You have that job where you just clock on and can't wait until its over and that day where everyday is a new adventure where you feel included and that's exactly how this job is. I feel like I am apart of a family. Up till now I have for the most part because I know it is a better job than before and have wanted to stay mute on it. But I am working for Rc Willey and that is about the extent of it. Oh and I am working in the office so dealing hands on with customers on a daily basis from cashiering, running credit to future customer service
On the school front, recently I met with a psychologist and took a test proving that I do have an actual diagnosed Math Disability; over the years I have used this as an outlet to tell you everything and now I am continuing this process. I've struggled with math over the years of school for as long as I can recall, yes I have eventually gotten it to a point but only to a point though and had to work a hell of a lot more at it than other people. Yes I know you should never ever compare yourself to others but sometimes I think it happens naturally. When I was younger I was in and out of different rooms for help with my iep and at the time they kind of gave me a general one but nothing math specific though. So I think I have always sort of mentally beat myself up for it feeling like maybe I wasn't fucking good enough. This feels like a relief so the battle continues with my alma mater bsu. I will go down there and present the evidence (ie. the paperwork that says I have this disability). From there I am hoping I will get a different class other than the business calculus and than take that and two other classes and graduate with a bacholers in business administration
On the health front, the weight is slowly coming off but not as easy as in the past it seems. Though I am now down to 167 lbs (so I have so far lost 3 lbs so that is good). Feeling better and better about myself. Yes my fiance thinks I am sexy as hell but I am doing this for the both of us so I am healther and can live longer. Yes I have never been really overweight but at the same time I have struggled with it off and on over the years though. But as a whole I definitely like myself and my own image, I am comfortable with it
On the whole saving for a house and a wedding and everything else that is where it feels like I am not making enough or not putting enough away. There is part of me that feels like its time to run out there into the big bad world and get a second job on top of the one I have but that would be illogical. I am so damned grateful to have someone whom we're walking down this road of life together
So that covers all the bases right now. Hope things are going great for you. This sunday is the company picnic which should be a hell of a lot of fun, followed by a couple of weeks from now an escape to the cabin for a day with my love Ruth and followed by Elton John in October. Talk about what will no doubt prove to be a bundle of excitement. Well I'll catch ya on the flip side
ps: Going to try to write more often and wow this was truly one of the more introspective ones i have written in a good long while
Hey everyone as I write this I am giving the single Jekyll and Hyde by Five Finger Death Punch and right now it feels so fitting. In my life, not to say things have taken a sudden downward spiral. Things with the love of my life are still going beyond well (Ruth is a life saver and as are many of my friends for helping me through the stresses of life). When there is a part of me that wants to dig a deep hole and hide till the world ends then come up for any semblance of air
I have a great job that I love that is sometimes frustrating but that comes with working in retail and sometimes dealing with the general public; you have the bad apples but then you have some awesome people whom over the past two months and a half have become some great regulars. You have that job where you just clock on and can't wait until its over and that day where everyday is a new adventure where you feel included and that's exactly how this job is. I feel like I am apart of a family. Up till now I have for the most part because I know it is a better job than before and have wanted to stay mute on it. But I am working for Rc Willey and that is about the extent of it. Oh and I am working in the office so dealing hands on with customers on a daily basis from cashiering, running credit to future customer service
On the school front, recently I met with a psychologist and took a test proving that I do have an actual diagnosed Math Disability; over the years I have used this as an outlet to tell you everything and now I am continuing this process. I've struggled with math over the years of school for as long as I can recall, yes I have eventually gotten it to a point but only to a point though and had to work a hell of a lot more at it than other people. Yes I know you should never ever compare yourself to others but sometimes I think it happens naturally. When I was younger I was in and out of different rooms for help with my iep and at the time they kind of gave me a general one but nothing math specific though. So I think I have always sort of mentally beat myself up for it feeling like maybe I wasn't fucking good enough. This feels like a relief so the battle continues with my alma mater bsu. I will go down there and present the evidence (ie. the paperwork that says I have this disability). From there I am hoping I will get a different class other than the business calculus and than take that and two other classes and graduate with a bacholers in business administration
On the health front, the weight is slowly coming off but not as easy as in the past it seems. Though I am now down to 167 lbs (so I have so far lost 3 lbs so that is good). Feeling better and better about myself. Yes my fiance thinks I am sexy as hell but I am doing this for the both of us so I am healther and can live longer. Yes I have never been really overweight but at the same time I have struggled with it off and on over the years though. But as a whole I definitely like myself and my own image, I am comfortable with it
On the whole saving for a house and a wedding and everything else that is where it feels like I am not making enough or not putting enough away. There is part of me that feels like its time to run out there into the big bad world and get a second job on top of the one I have but that would be illogical. I am so damned grateful to have someone whom we're walking down this road of life together
So that covers all the bases right now. Hope things are going great for you. This sunday is the company picnic which should be a hell of a lot of fun, followed by a couple of weeks from now an escape to the cabin for a day with my love Ruth and followed by Elton John in October. Talk about what will no doubt prove to be a bundle of excitement. Well I'll catch ya on the flip side
ps: Going to try to write more often and wow this was truly one of the more introspective ones i have written in a good long while
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