Skip to main content

Picking up the pieces and Moving forward

As of late I have not written a new blog for quite a while because I have been incredibly busy with school. But here goes nothing. Woke up this morning right at five o'clock more or less on the dot! Bam hello your wide awake time to start your day (ala I was not going back to sleep).

Currently I have no clue what is going to come of Trisha and I but essentially she broke things off yesterday. You know I guess I should celebrate the fact that it wasn't one of those brutal break ups or anything like that. Of course I have a few thoughts as to why things ended? Saying it ended makes it sound like I am talking about a movie or a book or something like that. Just feels quite generic. But the surreality of it all I think is still too me very much like a kind of book of sorts

No doubt many out there in internet land or even on this site know what the picking up the pieces experience is like. At the end of a break up even if that person says it wasn't your fault you can't help but blame yourself. Want to try to find faults in yourself. Change it up so you don't get hurt. In the end she said towards the beginning of this month she hasn't been feeling that passion and the closeness that you do to someone you love. As she put it to me, "I am starting to feel like I am just spending time with a friend..." but in reality shouldn't that be what a solid relationship is truly like.

This weekend I am going to see Trisha and we will sit down and talk about things. I'll do my best to keep my emotions out of things. Just lay down the facts like this is some kind of business deal because that will make it alot easier. How successful will that be? That is another story I'll letcha all know when I see her

On the phone we talked about going to a sort of friends with benefits relationship/going back to sort of just dating and figuring things out before we dive back into a more serious relationship. Its the not knowing that is eating me up inside. Its the not knowing that left me without a serious appetite this morning. Its the note knowing that no doubt jolted me awake this morning. Hopefully can find some sort of clarity to everything this weekend

Ultimately the toughest thing about all of this is I have been through many terrible relationships. But this one with Trisha felt and feels the most genuine. We have sooo much in common its ridiculous. Maybe we will salvage things. And just maybe her and I will come out of this as friends because as she put it she doesn't want to lose me in her life

 Today is going to be a challenge of figuring out away to pick up those pieces enough that I can mentally do what needs to be done as far as school work goes. Yesterday after this things fell by the way side and I could not focus on a thing. Wish me luck guys. With that I am off. Hope all is well on your ends. I'll catch ya on the flip side

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Is It True?

Readers: Hey everybody I hope all is well in your world's. I am writing a latest update of things seeing as how earlier today I asked her why she suddenly blocked me with out any word at all. Hell its funny how in the end I told myself over and over again knowing wouldn't actually help but there you have it. One thing she said has continued to stay there at the fore front of my mind when she texted me back after essentially telling me that I worried too much, that I killed things that drunken night, that I am neurotic. Probably not exactly in those different words but that was the idea though than she stopped texting me again. Later out of the blue she texted me again telling me she was sorry but that how could she expect anything else out of things after the night when I screwed up like that. Oh and of course she also threw my words in my face saying essentially that i'd never be with a woman with a kid lol The funny he he ironic fucking thing is that I made it clear w...

Can I?

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all's going great in you're world's. On my end I am full of wonder and doubt which I know isn't exactly the grounds for a job well done but there you go? I am on the cusp right now of starting Math 160 and taking it during the summer. During the regular semester it annihilated me entirely. Feels like I am so close to graduating yet so far away from it all. Right now if anything felt so unobtainable it is truly now more than ever. My mind is plagued with thoughts of failing, thoughts of not graduating, thoughts of not getting a great job, thoughts of the end of a relationship in the blink of an eye. Success in school, success in a job, solid money coming in all of these different things I know will enable me to live life to its fullest. Fullest being the ability to go out there and enjoy vacations, keep this relationship going solidly with Jolene and really be happy mentally knowing that I succeeded with school. My brothers are married an...

Sometimes you have to accept failure and move on

Readers: Hey everyone I hope all is going great in you're worlds. On my end I am still mentally coming to terms with the fact that I will no longer be attending Boise State unless I can afford it and on this note while going too school and only working part time I haven't been able to necessarily afford to go to school so my folks have been taking care of it and i've been paying them back. Having so few hours right now prior too i couldn't put myself through school and secondly the deal from my dad was, "Chris if you get F's in these classes you are done!"; low and behold I checked my grades and I got an F in not just Business Statistics but Calculus as well. Yesterday I withdrew from the classes at Boise State, I changed my work schedule at Gordman's to full time (here is to hoping I get some solid hours), and lastly now I am going to start paying rent to my parents which is a real way of driving home the fact that I failed. For me more than anyth...